In the early version of my autobiographical mix tape, this is the start of a new chapter, the second disc of the box set in my head. It was called 1990-1993: An Addiction Is Born. Because, as I mentioned, for my 17th birthday, I was given my first CD player. It was a portable player with a tape deck and a radio. It was just as thrilling to me as getting my first MP3 player years later. On my birthday that year, I got a bunch of great CDs: Sinéad's I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got and The Lion and the Cobra, 'til tuesday's Everything's Different Now, Tracy Chapman and, from my dad's friend Linda, The Go-Go's Greatest.
But really, my first CD was the single for George Michael's song "Freedom."
My birthday is on December 12th, so in addition to shopping for that, everyone's going all crazy looking for Christmas presents, too. My dad always needed a hand at the mall, so usually, he'd take me or my brother on these trips with him. Usually, Linda would come alone and we'd go to Cutler Ridge Mall (which is a neighborhood in the southern region of Miami) because it was usually the least crowded.
I had asked for a CD player and was hoping it's what I'd get. However, I have to confess, I spied Linda buying that Go-Go's album and that's when I knew I was definitely getting it. So I secretly bought the "Freedom" single.
The first time I played it was on my dad's roommate's player after school one day. I'm not sure if it actually had the original recording, but it did have a great b-side called "Fantasy" and the [back to reality mix] Which. Is. AWESOME. At the time I flipped out because he was sampling (which was sorta new then) from Soul II Soul's "Back to life," Neneh Cherry's "Buffalo stance" and Sinéad O'Connor's "I am stretched on your grave." It wasn't until like 15 years later, working at Barnes & Noble when I heard that familiar piece of music and realized that Sinéad had sampled the drum solo from a James Brown song called "Funky drummer" - but that dizzying string bit from Sinéad's song was there as well, so who knows. It wasn't only the beginning of my CD addiction, but a long phase where I was crazy about singles & remixes- but only the sort of remixes that deconstruct a song and turn it into something amazing and new. I was bored with a simple extended dance remix, but something like this one... well, listen for yourself: Here's a video someone edited together to the remix. It's better if you close your eyes and simply listen.
To this day, hearing the original version of "Freedom 90" is a little jarring to me, because this is the one that I adore. I think I got the full length album Listen Without Prejudice, vol. 1 for Christmas and it was quite beautiful. It's even the sort of album that I think I appreciate more with time than I did when I was a 17 year old high school student. George's subsequent albums have had good moments, but usually left me cold. I remember liking his first solo album, Faith a lot when I had it on cassette. But Listen Without Prejudice is simply a perfect record.
Of all the ways that Michelle & Raul inspired me to expand my musical horizons, nothing was as big and lasting as the fact that they introduced me to the music of Aimee Mann and her band 'til tuesday. Of course I knew the band's big hit single from 1985, "Voices carry," but that was literally all I knew of 'til tuesday. However, Raul was quite obsessed with the band and played their music all the time. At least once a day when we'd hang out, we'd hear a bit of 'til tuesday. If not their music, then probably a reference to seeing them in concert. There was their debut, Voices Carry, a very 80s sounding album with that title track highlight, and the beautiful "You know the rest." Then there was their sophomore album, Welcome Home that had more of a singer/songwriter feel and a more organic sound. I loved "Coming up close" but I swear to God that "No one is watching you now" is one of the most beautiful songs ever that no one knows about. Please, please, please find it. Download it. Fall for it. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe it's just me, but that song... wow.
However, my favorite 'til tuesday album, and the one I think is undeniably their best, is their last: Everything's Different Now. On my 17th birthday, December 12, 1990, I celebrated with Michelle, Raul & Angie, by having dinner at Victoria Station in Dadeland Mall. One of the gifts they gave me was my very own copy of Everything's Different Now and it's still one of my all-time favorite albums. It may be my favorite album of all time. Even today, as much as I love all of Aimee Mann's solo stuff, if I could only bring one of her albums on that fabled desert island with me, I'd choose this one. From the jangle of guitars on the opening title track to the hopeful pop of "How can you give up?" it's filled with songs I never get tired of hearing. The beautiful "J for Jules" (about songwriter Jules Shear) and "The other end of the telescope" (a collaboration with Elvis Costello) are gorgeous, but my favorite shall always be track 5, "(believed you were) lucky." Back then, listening to Raul's cassettes over and over again, something about this music connected with me, Aimee Mann's lyrics were a major part of it, and I truly fell in love.
Only Everything's Different Now had been released in 1988 and it was now 1990 and 'til tuesday? They had broken up.
Later on I'll talk more about Aimee Mann, who went on to have a bit of a shaky solo career at first, thanks to record company troubles, only to end up becoming widely successful and critically acclaimed as an independent artist. I finally got to see Aimee play when my friend Shawn (another diehard 'til tuesday fan, who has performed onstage with Aimee a few times) invited me to Boston to see her play with the Boston Pops in June of 2006. It was an amazing experience, and so special to be able to see an all-time favorite in such a unique way.
My other close encounter with Aimee occurred at my job. In 2008, she took part in a series of events Barnes & Noble hosts called "Upstairs at the Square" - in which a musician and an author are interviewed and perform some of their work on stage together. When I found out that Aimee was taking part in the event, I freaked OUT. I made sure that I had my break at the right time and went upstairs. I had brought my special edition copy of her newest album, @#%&*! Smilers, to get signed. But I got stuck on my floor and wasn't able to punch out in time, so decided to pick up the CD after the event so I wouldn't miss seeing her play. Upstairs, she (and her collaborator Paul Bryan, who has a fantastic album out called Handcuff King) played and was a fantastic interview, despite an interviewer who always makes me think of a grade school teacher. There were so many people in the crowd, and as the event winded down and the line to get stuff signed formed, our fabulous events coordinator recruited my help in directing the line. It was surreal to be working the line while feet away from me was the woman who changed the way I listen to music, who had been singing the soundtrack of my life for 18 years- half of my life, literally. So surreal and so thrilling that I forgot my own CD and basked in the glow of the rest of the crowd, watching people get so excited about getting to see her, say hello. I didn't actually interact with her, though. What could I have possibly said that wouldn't have sounded like the words of a rambling fool?
I even have a 'til tuesday button that I wear on my name-tag at work. It was given to me by one of the sweetest guys ever, also named Rick, who I worked with in my old store's music department. It's one of my prized possessions, really.
Meanwhile, back in the 90s... That's me with Michelle the day of my high school graduation.
Michelle, Raul & Angie all got a place together in Fort Lauderdale, about 45 minutes away from Kendall. I had helped them move, in a very unreliable van that broke down at least twice. I knew that it would mean seeing them less and, as is usually the case, it ended up with me not seeing them at all. The last I remember hearing from them was when Michelle called to tell me that Raul had tried to kill himself. "He's gay," she told me. He had tried it before. He had become abusive towards Angie on one occasion. Years later, I met someone at work who had actually dated Raul. My friend was in high school at the time and in the end, Raul went psycho on him. I often wonder where Michelle is, because I connected the most with her. I miss her a lot. Even though my friendship with them lasted for only a year, a year and a half at most, it has so much to do with who I am today and I'll always be thankful for that. Most especially for my copy of Everything's Different Now.
Maybe the most important musical revelation to me in the autumn of 1990, the beginning of my senior year in high school, was my first real obsession with a female singer/songwriter. It was Sinéad O'Connor, and the song that started it all was actually not even written by her, but by Prince. "Nothing compares 2 u" was a huge hit, with a a gorgeous music video and I truly loved it. I might not have ventured past the single if it weren't for a group of new and unlikely friends.
My stepfather at the time, Jerry, worked with a girl called Michelle; pale, dyed red hair, sweet and cool. One day she and her boyfriend, Raul had to drop by the house for some reason. We all sat around talking. I seem to remember complaining about this teacher I had - Dr. Lloyd? He was my humanities/creative writing teacher and was pretty feminine. I said some really homophobic things about him, which I now know is a pretty normal thing for someone in the closet full of internalized homophobia, etc. But despite me making a total ass out of myself, they still asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with them some time. I totally did because, to paraphrase Alabama in True Romance they were so cool! They had another friend, Angie, who joined us, riding to the movies in Raul's little yellow MG convertible, practically having to sit in Michelle's lap. It became my Friday nights for a while, going to the movies or just hanging out with them. They introduced me to thrift stores, hair dye and attempted to introduce me to marijuana. I remembered Nancy Reagan and just said no.
What I'm most thankful for is the fact that they introduced me to lots and lots of really good music. Sinéad, The Cure, Ofra Haza, Tracy Chapman and most importantly: 'til tuesday. [see track 19] I had been familiar with Sinéad's single and with Tracy Chapman's "Fast car," which was by then a couple of years old. Raul & Michelle had the Tracy Chapman album and played it a lot and it was just so beautiful that I couldn't stop listening. When I got my first CD player on my 16th birthday, they gave me Sinéad's I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got and Tracy Chapman, still two of the most perfect albums I have ever heard. Between that and 'til tuesday, my love for women who write and sing songs began in earnest. When anyone asks me what kind of music I listen to, I usually just sum up with "girls with guitars."
Around 1988-89, I caught the video for "Like the weather" by 10,000 Maniacs and really loved the song. I liked it so much that I bought the cassette of In My Tribe.
The music I discovered was so different from the pop music and the rock n roll I'd been listening to. Some of the songs told stories, some of the lyrics were cryptic, the music more organic and layered than what I was used to. Some songs, like "What's the matter here" were truly about something other than romance and rebellion. It excited me. I started to say that I listened to "Progressive" music. This is a couple of years before people would invent the term "alternative." I loved Natalie Merchant's unusual voice and some of the songs from In my Tribe are still deeply beloved. I can play "Verdi cries" over and over and over again.
A year after I left high school, in 1992, they would find even more popularity with their superb album called Our Time In Eden. A truly perfect disc, it was more thoughtful and lush and beautiful than anything they'd ever done. It's a necessary album in my opinion. After Eden they released a live disc from their appearance on MTV Unplugged and soon Merchant would leave the group to follow her own path. With the exception of a couple of songs, her solo work never really connected with me. However, I can never forget how just listening to "Like the weather" managed to open my ears to a new type of music.
A few years ago, I decided that I would make an autobiographical mixtape of songs. I love music more than just about anything in the world (except for maybe movies), so many of my memories are connected to songs. Now in the age of itunes, I've turned these songs into the mother of all playlists and thought it might be fun to blog about the songs and the memories that go along with them.
