track 65: surrounded

an uncharacteristically long post. i recommend hitting play on this video first. (i also recommend pretending there is no backing vocalist)



December 16, 1997


As part of my birthday, my mom, Dave and I went to Lilith Fair when it came to Florida for the first time. There was an amazing line up that included Letters to Cleo, Missy Elliot, Luscious Jackson, Indigo Girls and Sarah McLachlan. The standout moment for me was Chantal Kreviazuk singing this song.

About a month earlier, I had quit Toys R Us after 5 years (and two weeks) and was quite happy to just be spending the Holiday season with my family instead of Geoffrey the Giraffe. This is a review I wrote at the time, parts of which actually made me blush a little.

Subj: Lilith Fair Holiday Show- rundown
Date: 97-12-17 02:23:50 EST

Hi everybody- back & barely awake, but since my capacity to remember things is
embarrassingly small, thought I'd post this now.

3:35- Village Stage- Mary Karlzen
Just Mary & Mark (?) playing acoustic guitars. Don't remember any of the
titles, but I loved the songs. Will actually be going out tomorrow to hunt
down "SHOUTING AT MARY" I don't think I ever did. Very funny coupla people. (note: cute guy on stage)

4:05- Village Stage- Kacy Crowley
Hmmm. Jury's out. I liked the first song, not the second. Liked the third,
not the next. Was kind of taken aback when she was about to start & I turned
around & swore for half a second that it was Ani Difranco. She's just a wee
little thing.

4:25- B Stage- Chantal Kreviazuk
Okay, big surprise. I had 2 of her songs on compilations- "Hand" which I
didn't like at all, and "God Made Me" which has grown on me. The songs she
sang that were NOT "Hand" I fell in love with. Sorta reminded me of a calmer
Paula Cole. Nice lady, too. Will look up her album. Under These Rocks and Stones

5:05- B Stage- Letters To Cleo
My first big thrill of the day. They're favorites of mine. Set list more or
less: Fast Way/Awake/I Got Time (!!!)/Anchor/something i forgot/Big Star (!!!)/Here
& Now. It's quite possible there was another song in there, too, but that's
mostly it. Kay gave me this whole vibe that for some odd reason made me recall
seeing Belinda Carlisle & the Go-Go's back when I was in sixth grade. Rockin'
band. First time I got to see 'em live. Very cool.(note: cute guys too)

5:30- Village Stage- Ana Gasteyer
Ana (of SNL fame) was playing a character named Kimber. She was basically
doing a parody of ultra-serious PC folk singer-type people. Hilarious! She did
the "Basted In Blood" song that she performed with Sarah McLachlan on SNL a
few weeks ago, as well as an anti-frankfurter song called "Sausage of Pain".
She also did a whole monologue routine-rant about the Holidays that made me
laugh my ass off & wonder if she's been lurking on the Indigo Girls mailing
list lately...

5:50- Main Stage- Luscious Jackson
Another group I like a lot. Their setup was a lot like the one Joan Osborne
had when I saw her @ Lilith in Atlanta. I love it when there's a band and a
DJ- it just makes things feel funky. (that was a little joke for anybody who's
actually met me & heard me say "feel funky") Set list- Here/Strongman/Mood
Swing/Naked Eye/Deep Shag/Why Do I Lie/Surprise. Kate S. is a kickass
drummer!! I liked 'em, but I think I prefer their studio stuff.

6:25- B Stage- K's Choice
This is the part when I ate dinner.

7:00- Main Stage- Missy Elliot
Ok, I dig Missy. But apparently no one else did. The only time the crowd was
even slightly into her was when she did "The Rain"- I really felt for the
girl- She was feeling sick & giving it her best, but I don't think many people
appreciated what she does. :( I don't think she even did her full set. What
she DID do was: Sock it to me (!!)/ Beep Me 911/ some other song.../Supa Dupa
Fly (the rain) There were dancers & they actually started the set by dancing
to The Prodigy. I love you, Missy!!

7:50- Main Stage- Indigo Girls
The best show I've seen. This was the first time I got to see A&E with Jerry
on the drums & Sara Lee on bass. Very cool. (No Romeo & Juliet, sorry) They
also brought out the others to play with 'em, which I loved. Here you go:
Shame on You/Least Complicated/Shed Your Skin (with Missy Elliot hoppin'
around & Kate from Luscious Jackson on drums!)/Get Out The Map/Tried to be
True (with Sheryl Crow on accordian & backups)/Water is Wide (with Sheryl Crow
& Sarah McLachlan)/Keep on Rockin' in the Free World (with K's Choice)/Scooter
Boys/Galileo/Closer to Fine (with Sheryl, Sarah, K's Choice, Kacey, and
Luscious Jackson) No broken strings, Amy wore the same outfit I saw her in
last time, Sara lee played keyboards on Rockin' in the Free World.

9:00- Main Stage- Sheryl Crow
Pretty groovy performance. By this point I was tired of standing, but she
got me swinging again. But then again, I fall for anyone with a harmonica.
Set:
A Change/Sweet Rosalyn/If It Makes You Happy/Home/Every Day Is A Winding
Road/Hard to Make a Stand/Leaving Las Vegas/All I Wanna Do (that's in no
particular order) Hard to Make a Stand was the highlight, imho. ;)
Also, Sheryl had a cold :(

10:10- Main Stage- Sarah Mclachlan
Uh-huh!! My girl rocked. A much better performance than the Atlanta LF, I
felt. Before she even stepped out, we were all on our feet. Amazing energy for
a buncha freezing Floridians (tech note: A freezing Floridian is a Floridian
in weather under 60 degrees) I may feel that she was better cuz I loved the
set: Sweet Surrender/Wait/Hold On/Building A Mystery/Angel/Good Enough
Possession/Ice Cream Definitely my Mom's favorite act. (Mom also thought that
Kacy was sort of like Bob Dylan -not a compliment from her- Didn't dig Missy
(shock), thought that Luscious Jackson were talented but not her style, Loved
Mary Karlzen & Chantal, thought LtC were "very energetic"- Loved Ana G's act,
Sheryl Crow, and most importantly the Indigo Girls. ;)

Finale- Main Stage- Everyone but Missy E & Ana G-
"Big Yellow Taxi". Highlight of the night, for sure! And I laughed my ass
off when the girls behind me asked if that was one of Sarah's songs. The
answer- "No, not hers, but I think it's one of those chicks" sacrilege.

next time: i'm on a lonely road that leads to nowhere

track 51: get out the map b/w wild horses

For my first Indigo Girls show(s), I traveled a bit. I actually went all the way to New Orleans. They were taking part in the New Orleans Jazz Festival on May 2, 1996 and would be playing another show at the University of New Orleans two days later with Joan Baez and Joan Osborne. A lot of people from The List were planning a trip and I thought I could make it on my own, but in the end I pitched the idea of a trip to New Orleans to my Dad and we made a trip out of it with my brother. I'd never been to New Orleans before. I had read about it a lot, mostly through the tons of Anne Rice books I used to read.

The trip up from Miami was long and as usual driving through Florida is a tremendous bore. If you go the quickest way, you're cutting through the middle of the state and the scenery is pretty dull. I love riding along the coast of Florida, through the small beach towns, especially on the east coast, with the Atlantic right outside of your window. One of my fantasy places to live (and I have many) would be somewhere like Flagler Beach, right on the water. And then I remember what hurricane season means for those adorable little towns and think, "maybe not." During the ride up I remember clearly sitting in the back seat and playing the Ani DiFranco disc I'd picked up in Atlanta on my Discman.

Once we got to New Orleans, we visited Bourbon Street, one of the old cemeteries (and I seem to remember wanting to find a very specific one - probably because of some Rice novel) and yes, we even followed the crowd to Anne Rice's house. In retrospect, how creepy is that? Just imagine having these groups of people (mostly in all black) lingering outside of your home? She was actually in the phone book! Although one thing I really wanted, but didn't get to do was have a beignet. I need to get back for that at the very least.




The Jazz Fest was crowded and full of music. I feel like if it had been two years later, when I had started to listen to some jazz, I would have appreciated it more. But I was there for one reason only. Okay, two: Indigo Girls! The people from The List had a plan - we'd all wear shirts with cows on them to recognize a fellow IG list person. This was inspired by an exchange of dialogue during a live recording of "Galileo" on the 1200 Curfews album. Part of the song talks about the idea of reincarnation and before they play it, they talk about Galileo and imagine him reincarnated as a cow in a field somewhere, looking up at the stars. Just before the song begins, one of the Girls says "moo" - and that sparked a whole debate on the list. No one could say for sure if it was Amy or Emily who said "moo!" I got a plain white v-neck tee, knowing that it would be hot out, and some cow stencils from Michael's and quoted the line about the cow looking up at the stars. I think it was a bit early for me to really have known anyone from the list very well, so I had a vague idea of some of the people who'd be there. I was a newbie. While my dad & Dave wandered through the festival, I found the stage the Girls were playing on and went as far as I could to the front. I think the Chamber Brothers were playing. I just remember that I stood in the same spot for a very, very long time and got very, very sunburned. But IG fans being who they are, I did get found and eventually a group of people from the list were all around and it was time for the show. The first song they played was "Reunion." I seem to remember that they also played a few songs for the first time in public at these two shows: "Shame on you," "Get out the map," and "Don't give that girl a gun," which I think might have been played before. These songs would all end up being on their Shaming of the Sun album.



Two days later, Dad & Dave dropped me off at the University of New Orleans to see the second show. Joan Osborne played first and the place seemed to empty considerably after her set. Then Joan Baez. I can't talk about it, I'm not a fan. Again, seats emptied. Finally, the Girls took the stage. By this time, a lot of us had moved further up into the empty seats and it was a great time. For the encore, they were joined by Baez and another singer from Atlanta who I had heard of through The List, Michelle Malone. They mentioned that Michelle had a new album coming out called Beneath the Devil Moon and then they played a few songs, culminating in a cover of the Rolling Stones song "Wild horses." Anyone who's heard Michelle sing that song will understand how completely in awe I was of her voice. It was my favorite song of the whole weekend and when I heard Beneath the Devil Moon, it became one of my favorite albums of that year. One of the list people had taped both shows and then put them on CDs and sent copies to those of us who were there. I treasure those CDs always because they capture one of the most memorable weekends of my life.



next time: how do i undo the damage i have done?

track 49: joking / track 50: cradle and all

In the Spring of 1996 I made the acquaintance of two women who both became important parts of my life. Okay, sort of. I mean, I've never met one of them personally, and the other one I had known for some months via the wonderful world of AOL. As I mentioned previously, when I arrived on the internet, the first thing I did was look up more information about Christian Bale and the first people I became friends with online were Baleheads. One was a girl in California, a high school student called Brianne. Eventually she introduced me to another Balehead from Atlanta, Lisa Dupre. The three of us would usually be online around the same time every night and we'd hang out in a private chat room talking about Christian, movies, musicals and music. Eventually we'd mail each other mix tapes, too. I totally clicked with Lisa and I remember praising the music of Sarah McLachlan and the Indigo Girls to her. I know that at the time she listened to mostly musicals; we bonded over Andrew Lloyd Webber and our love for Michael Ball from Aspects of Love. So at one point, I made her a mix tape: One side had Sarah McLachlan, the other had the Indigo Girls. She loved it.



While my brother was on Spring Break that year, he and my mom and I were going up to visit my Aunt Charlotte & Uncle Bill in Cleveland, Georgia. Lisa and I made plans to meet up in Atlanta for lunch. We finally met face to face at Rainy Day Records, a local store that was a favorite among the people on the Indigo Girls mailing list I was part of. At the record shop, Lisa asked me which Indigo Girls album she should start with and I told her Rites of Passage, since it was my personal favorite. (so there! see?) We both ate our favorite meal, chicken fingers, at Grady's and posed for a photo, with Lisa holding a photo of Brianne, the third member of our nightly trio. Whenever I'd visit Lisa, we'd usually end up going back to Grady's for a meal, but I think Rainy Day Records is probably gone by now. I know people usually say stuff like "Oh their music changed my life!" or whatever, but that little act of making a mix tape for my friend actually ended up having a giant impact on her life. Because now Lisa (who has seen the Indigo Girls probably hundreds of times, traveling to see them play) helps run the official IG and Amy Ray websites. In fact, earlier this year Lisa and Dee came up to NYC for a show Amy did at Housing Works. After the show, Lisa introduced me to Amy as the person who introduced her to the Indigo Girls. Amy smiled, said "Wow! Good to meet you!" and shook my hand. Life can be pretty awesomely strange sometimes, no?




However, it was at Rainy Day Records that I also made the acquaintance of another longtime companion: Ani DiFranco. Through the IG list, I kept hearing about other musicians: Dar Williams, Michelle Malone and Ani DiFranco, who seemed to be mentioned above all others. Not long before our trip to Georgia, I had heard one of Ani's songs on WVUM and decided to give her a try. At the record store, I discovered that she had recorded tons of albums. I chose the most recent one at the time, Not a Pretty Girl. From the opening effect of swirling guitars on "Worthy" I was hooked. Ani had a sound that was absolutely her own. Especially her guitar work which is sort of muscular and bold - I can't explain it better than that, but she's one of the few artists whose guitar playing I can recognize because it seems to have its own unique voice. Lyrically, she was smart and witty, brash and fierce. I loved the fact that she had released all of her albums on her own label, and in fact, she has continued to chart her own course during her career. I became a huge fan.



While Not a Pretty Girl is still one of my favorite Ani albums, it is the one she released a few weeks after I discovered her, Dilate, that is my all-time favorite. It's one of those beautiful and heartbreaking albums that always seemed to me to be about unrequited love, which is my area of expertise. I immediately delved into Ani's backlist as well, her first few albums are just her and her guitar, but sound just as rich as the rest of her work. However, some of the best Ani stuff are the live recordings, especially Living in Clip. Her music continues to push boundaries and even when I'm not completely transfixed, it is always worth listening to the little folk singer who could.

next time: get out the map and lay your finger anywhere down

track 47: land of canaan

said it once before but it bears repeating



December 12, 1995: My 22nd birthday. I celebrate with my family at Planet Hollywood and am given one of the best gifts ever: 1200 Curfews, a double album that shows me that the Indigo Girls are even more awesome live. One of my favorite tracks is their cover of a song called "River."


next time: i'm so hard to handle, i'm selfish and i'm sad • now i've gone and lost the best baby that i ever had • i wish i had a river i could skate away on

track 42: power of two

In February of 1995, my mom and I went to see a movie called Boys on the Side. I am a huge fan of Drew Barrymore. I guess that's odd, seeing as how I'm kind of a movie snob and she tends to make highly commercial romantic comedies. But in the early 1990s when she was making her comeback via movies like Poison Ivy and Guncrazy, I read a big article about her and found myself really cheering her on. I remembered being a fan of Drew's from E.T. and one of my favorite 80s comedies, Irreconcilable Differences. I read her autobiography, Little Girl Lost, which is where one of my all time favorite quotes comes from: "Happiness is knowing that you're alive and have a fighting chance to enjoy it." Ever since then, I've just adored her - she's real and she's insanely positive and I have to admire that a lot.



The movie was one of her first mainstream films after coming back in a bunch of indie films and starring in Mad Love. It also featured one of my very favorite actresses, Mary-Louise Parker. I loved the movie and bought the soundtrack, which was a compilation of women musicians that included Melissa Etheridge, Sarah McLachlan, Bonnie Raitt and this little song called "Power of two" by the Indigo Girls. I fell in love with this song. It was swooningly romantic and full of gorgeous harmonies. I went back and found my copy of their Rites of Passage album and gave it another good listen. It was like something had clicked and I suddenly appreciated what I had dismissed a couple of years earlier. I was obsessed with "Ghost" and "Love will come to you" is my favorite IG song ever. And yes, in fact, Rites of Passage is my favorite IG album now. I bought Swamp Ophelia, which is where "Power of two" came from, and loved it, too. At the time, even more than Rites. The production on some of the songs was closer to the music I was listening to then, especially some of the Amy songs like "Touch me fall."



I really liked these albums, but it wasn't until I got the live 1200 Curfews set for my 22nd birthday (celebrated at Planet Hollywood in Coconut Grove, I believe) that I became crazy-obssessed-Indigo Girls fan. Because as great as the studio albums are, the live stuff knocked. me. OUT. It had so many songs that I didn't know, from the earlier albums, songs that I would soon become addicted to like, "Land of Canaan." Oh, how I love "Land of Canaan!" I soon went after the earlier albums, and immediately joined the IG mailing list online.



The simple act of joining The List affected my life greatly. For many years, I was friendless. I had dropped out of school and was working at Toys R Us. I had work friends, and some of those became the sort of friends who I'd go out with once in a while. But no one really shared my interests. So online, I had a bunch of Christian Bale friends, and a bunch of IG friends. Through the list, I met my great friend Shawn, I discovered the music of Dar Williams and Ani DiFranco, which led to another mailing list and another group of people. I met up with people from the list in 1996 at the New Orleans Jazz Festival, an unlikely place for my first IG show, and over the years have had several similar experiences. I remember debating which Girl says "Moo!" and discussing whether or not we were all Amy people or Emily people.

For the record, I started off as an Emily person and have grown into an Amy person. But I really love them both. I love Amy's rock n roll sensibility and growling vocals. I admire her so much for the songs that come from a darker place, but never stop being able to see the light, no matter how dim it may be. I love watching Amy play live because she is doing what she loves and she's enjoying it and you can just feel the amazing energy while watching. I love Emily's poetry and honesty. I also really love her dedication to her faith, especially as it comes from someone else who is gay. I'm not a big fan of organized religion or musicians who try to shove their beliefs down your throat. I see God in everyday things and I pray, but I also believe that everyone's entitled to their own beliefs. I don't talk about it much. But when I hear some of these songs (particularly "The wood song"), I feel moved and reverent; they are a bit like my own versions of hymns. And really a lot of the music that I hold dearest to my heart feels like that. As Emily wrote in the book co-written by her father, Don Saliers, A Song to Sing, A Life to Live: Reflections on Music as Spiritual Practice, "Anyone who struggles with love and suffering and searches for the mystery ends up singing- or at least listening to music."



In the end, what I love most is the combination of these two amazing humans, Amy Ray and Emily Saliers. When their voices come together, there's nothing I can think of that is more gorgeous or moving. Their music, more than anyone else's, has brought me joy and happiness, peace, and comfort when I need it. Their music, more than anyone else's, feels like home to me.

(There will be more blogs about Indigo Girls songs to come, especially one about visiting New Orleans and another about making my friend Lisa a mix tape that would have, one might say, a bit of an effect on her and eventually about the night I met Amy Ray.)

next time: you can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life...

track 36: Galileo

Speaking of the Indigo Girls, around the fall of 1993, I joined Evil Columbia House. For one of my free introductory selections, I chose an album by the Indigo Girls called Rites of Passage because I really liked the song "Galileo."




I only played it a couple of times before it went on the rack with other random CDs I never got into. It gathered a lot of dust there.

next time: "feeling the fire under my feet • i was a liar, you were a cheat"