the songs that made me

track 66: Sunday kind of love • track 67: trouble in mind

2010-01-13T02:48:00.003-05:00

Somewhere towards the end of 1997/the beginning of 1998, David and I saw Kasi Lemmons' outstanding film, Eve's Bayou. It was one of the last movies we saw at the theatre across from our house at Miller Square. At this point, it had become a dollar theatre, really crappy & rundown, with the stickiest floors known to man and yes, bugs flying through the air. Somehow it was incredible that Eve's Bayou, a critically acclaimed but little-known indie film was playing there, considering that they usually showed mostly big movies (albeit months after their initial release). The film is one of my all-time favorites, possibly my favorite American film of the late '90s. Kasi Lemmons wrote poetry and captured it so perfectly. Here's the trailer:

We both adored the film. In fact, when I got my first DVD player in the summer of 1998, Eve's Bayou was the first movie I bought. I especially loved the music: both Terence Blanchard's gorgeous score (which is still up there with Patrick Doyle's score for Great Expectations and Angelo Badalamenti's Twin Peaks music as my all-time favorite movie score) and the songs chosen for the soundtrack. I bought the CD and I'm not lying or exaggerating when I say that this simple act changed me forever.

I was initially taken with Erkyah Badu's contribution, "Child with the blues," having been a fan of her perfect debut album, Baduizm. But what surprised me was how deeply I fell for two of the older tracks. The first being a song recorded by Etta James called "Sunday kind of love." I seem to remember that her iconic recording of "At last" had yet to be played in every single movie or commercial, so when I followed up my love for the song by purchasing the album it was taken from At Last, hearing the title track was a revelation. I didn't have a lot of experience with the blues or classic R&B, but it hooked right into my heart. Soon enough, I became addicted to The Essential Etta James, and from then on I bought as many Etta CDs as I could find. (Nothing will ever top At Last and Tell Mama for me)

The second track that had a giant effect on me was "Trouble in mind." A blues song performed by jazz god Louis Armstrong, with Velma Middleton on vocals, "Trouble in mind" connected with me immediately. I tried to find more recordings by Velma, but without much success. Instead, I picked up The Best of Louis Armstrong & Ella Fitzgerald on Verve and had another life changing experience.

But that story is for next time.

track 65: surrounded

2010-01-09T15:26:00.004-05:00

an uncharacteristically long post. i recommend hitting play on this video first. (i also recommend pretending there is no backing vocalist)

December 16, 1997

As part of my birthday, my mom, Dave and I went to Lilith Fair when it came to Florida for the first time. There was an amazing line up that included Letters to Cleo, Missy Elliot, Luscious Jackson, Indigo Girls and Sarah McLachlan. The standout moment for me was Chantal Kreviazuk singing this song.

About a month earlier, I had quit Toys R Us after 5 years (and two weeks) and was quite happy to just be spending the Holiday season with my family instead of Geoffrey the Giraffe. This is a review I wrote at the time, parts of which actually made me blush a little.

Subj: Lilith Fair Holiday Show- rundown
Date: 97-12-17 02:23:50 EST

Hi everybody- back & barely awake, but since my capacity to remember things is
embarrassingly small, thought I'd post this now.

3:35- Village Stage- Mary Karlzen
Just Mary & Mark (?) playing acoustic guitars. Don't remember any of the
titles, but I loved the songs. Will actually be going out tomorrow to hunt
down "SHOUTING AT MARY" I don't think I ever did. Very funny coupla people. (note: cute guy on stage)

4:05- Village Stage- Kacy Crowley
Hmmm. Jury's out. I liked the first song, not the second. Liked the third,
not the next. Was kind of taken aback when she was about to start & I turned
around & swore for half a second that it was Ani Difranco. She's just a wee
little thing.

4:25- B Stage- Chantal Kreviazuk
Okay, big surprise. I had 2 of her songs on compilations- "Hand" which I
didn't like at all, and "God Made Me" which has grown on me. The songs she
sang that were NOT "Hand" I fell in love with. Sorta reminded me of a calmer
Paula Cole. Nice lady, too. Will look up her album. Under These Rocks and Stones

5:05- B Stage- Letters To Cleo
My first big thrill of the day. They're favorites of mine. Set list more or
less: Fast Way/Awake/I Got Time (!!!)/Anchor/something i forgot/Big Star (!!!)/Here
& Now. It's quite possible there was another song in there, too, but that's
mostly it. Kay gave me this whole vibe that for some odd reason made me recall
seeing Belinda Carlisle & the Go-Go's back when I was in sixth grade. Rockin'
band. First time I got to see 'em live. Very cool.(note: cute guys too)

5:30- Village Stage- Ana Gasteyer
Ana (of SNL fame) was playing a character named Kimber. She was basically
doing a parody of ultra-serious PC folk singer-type people. Hilarious! She did
the "Basted In Blood" song that she performed with Sarah McLachlan on SNL a
few weeks ago, as well as an anti-frankfurter song called "Sausage of Pain".
She also did a whole monologue routine-rant about the Holidays that made me
laugh my ass off & wonder if she's been lurking on the Indigo Girls mailing
list lately...

5:50- Main Stage- Luscious Jackson
Another group I like a lot. Their setup was a lot like the one Joan Osborne
had when I saw her @ Lilith in Atlanta. I love it when there's a band and a
DJ- it just makes things feel funky. (that was a little joke for anybody who's
actually met me & heard me say "feel funky") Set list- Here/Strongman/Mood
Swing/Naked Eye/Deep Shag/Why Do I Lie/Surprise. Kate S. is a kickass
drummer!! I liked 'em, but I think I prefer their studio stuff.

6:25- B Stage- K's Choice
This is the part when I ate dinner.

7:00- Main Stage- Missy Elliot
Ok, I dig Missy. But apparently no one else did. The only time the crowd was
even slightly into her was when she did "The Rain"- I really felt for the
girl- She was feeling sick & giving it her best, but I don't think many people
appreciated what she does. :( I don't think she even did her full set. What
she DID do was: Sock it to me (!!)/ Beep Me 911/ some other song.../Supa Dupa
Fly (the rain) There were dancers & they actually started the set by dancing
to The Prodigy. I love you, Missy!!

7:50- Main Stage- Indigo Girls
The best show I've seen. This was the first time I got to see A&E with Jerry
on the drums & Sara Lee on bass. Very cool. (No Romeo & Juliet, sorry) They
also brought out the others to play with 'em, which I loved. Here you go:
Shame on You/Least Complicated/Shed Your Skin (with Missy Elliot hoppin'
around & Kate from Luscious Jackson on drums!)/Get Out The Map/Tried to be
True (with Sheryl Crow on accordian & backups)/Water is Wide (with Sheryl Crow
& Sarah McLachlan)/Keep on Rockin' in the Free World (with K's Choice)/Scooter
Boys/Galileo/Closer to Fine (with Sheryl, Sarah, K's Choice, Kacey, and
Luscious Jackson) No broken strings, Amy wore the same outfit I saw her in
last time, Sara lee played keyboards on Rockin' in the Free World.

9:00- Main Stage- Sheryl Crow
Pretty groovy performance. By this point I was tired of standing, but she
got me swinging again. But then again, I fall for anyone with a harmonica.
Set:
A Change/Sweet Rosalyn/If It Makes You Happy/Home/Every Day Is A Winding
Road/Hard to Make a Stand/Leaving Las Vegas/All I Wanna Do (that's in no
particular order) Hard to Make a Stand was the highlight, imho. ;)
Also, Sheryl had a cold :(

10:10- Main Stage- Sarah Mclachlan
Uh-huh!! My girl rocked. A much better performance than the Atlanta LF, I
felt. Before she even stepped out, we were all on our feet. Amazing energy for
a buncha freezing Floridians (tech note: A freezing Floridian is a Floridian
in weather under 60 degrees) I may feel that she was better cuz I loved the
set: Sweet Surrender/Wait/Hold On/Building A Mystery/Angel/Good Enough
Possession/Ice Cream Definitely my Mom's favorite act. (Mom also thought that
Kacy was sort of like Bob Dylan -not a compliment from her- Didn't dig Missy
(shock), thought that Luscious Jackson were talented but not her style, Loved
Mary Karlzen & Chantal, thought LtC were "very energetic"- Loved Ana G's act,
Sheryl Crow, and most importantly the Indigo Girls. ;)

Finale- Main Stage- Everyone but Missy E & Ana G-
"Big Yellow Taxi". Highlight of the night, for sure! And I laughed my ass
off when the girls behind me asked if that was one of Sarah's songs. The
answer- "No, not hers, but I think it's one of those chicks" sacrilege.

next time: i'm on a lonely road that leads to nowhere

track 64: shame on you

2010-01-08T14:02:00.003-05:00

September 27, 1997.

Lisa's turn to visit! She came to Florida to see an Indigo Girls show with me. By this point, Lisa was probably an even bigger fan of the Girls than me. Living in Atlanta, she was right in the middle of things and ended up introducing me to so much great local music and has gotten to know a ton of fellow IG fans. This time around, we saw them play in West Palm Beach. We met Greta, who had also come down from Atlanta, during this show, actually! Honestly, being a fan of the band has led to so many happy experiences and great people. So it's a good kind of obsession to have.

next time: i was there when you were young and strong and perverted and all the things that make a young man a star

track 63: someone like you

2010-01-06T19:34:00.003-05:00

August 1, 1997:
While staying with Lisa and her parents, I was introduced by her mom, Gay, to the musical Jekyll & Hyde, which starred Robert Cuccioli and Linda Eder. We actually watched a bit of a bootleg performance, I believe, and I fell in love with Linda Eder's voice and the song "Someone like you."

Soon I was picking up both the Broadway cast album as well as Linda's solo album, It's Time. Linda's voice is often compared to Streisand, and it's true. She's got a lovely, strong... buttery voice. But while Streisand's sense of humor only comes out in live recordings now, Eder retains a sense of fun and not taking herself too seriously. Over the years I've continued to listen to her albums, from her amazing collection of Broadway songs (with her knock-out version of "Man of La Mancha") to her recent collection of movie music.

To this day, "Someone like you" remains one of my favorite songs, and Linda Eder's version is the one I'll always treasure. For someone with a romantic soul who's perennially in unrequited love, the song is perfect.

next time: let's put on some tunes & sing along to Doolittle all day / go down to the riverside, take off our clothes & wash these sins away

track 61: Ladder • b/w track 62: Building a Mystery

2010-01-05T16:21:00.004-05:00

August 1, 1997
My mom, Dave and I set off for another visit to my Aunt Charlotte's in Cleveland, Georgia. However, Dave and I made a stop along the way in Atlanta, where we stayed with Lisa for a couple of days to attend the first Lilith Fair. I mean, how could I possibly resist when 80% of my musical love is for girls with guitars? On that day, we saw Fiona Apple, Susanna Hoffs, Joan Osborne (who sang an amazing version of her song "Ladder"), Jewel and Sarah McLachlan. Emmylou Harris was there as well, but at this point I wasn't much of a fan and I think we used that time to visit the food stands. It was the first time I got to see Sarah live and the only time I've ever seen Fiona Apple play.

Whenever a track from Joan's album Relish plays on my ipod, I remember how much I liked it. I also really liked some of the songs from her second disc, Righteous Love even better.

next time: if someone like you found someone like me then suddenly nothing would ever be the same

bonus track: Donde esta Santa Claus?

2009-12-25T00:36:00.002-05:00

Until recent years, my favorite time of the year has always been Christmas. It may be due to the fact that December found us celebrating my birthday, then my mom's and then Christmas, so it's always been an exciting month. As a kid, December could never get here fast enough for me. One of my favorite parts of December was also Christmas music. We always listened to tons of it at my house. But even better was singing in the school choir and giving our yearly holiday concert!

At Cypress Elementary we had a music teacher, Miss Paulen, who I adored and is probably a big reason I love music so much. In my memory she looks like Jane Adams. But what's interesting is that for someone who has a very bad memory about my younger days, one of my earliest memories, one that is indelibly written on my brain is being in kindergarten and learning a song from Miss Paulen, perched on a stool and strumming her guitar. "Red and yellow and pink and green / purple and orange and blue / i can sing a rainbow..." I took part in the school choir every year of elementary school. I remember doing a duet at one of the concerts with some girl, who was sick the day we were reprising the show for the younger grades at a school assembly, leaving me to sing "My favorite things" alone. I remember one concert during my 6th grade year was a Cabbage Patch Kid musical. There were two Ricks in choir and one of us was supposed to be the understudy for whoever played the guy who discovered the Cabbage Patch. When we did the show for the school, Miss Paulen asked Rick to take over and I excitedly went backstage, jumping out to act all amazed at the Cabbage Patch Kids growing in the garden (growing in the sun), only to see the other Rick as I walked offstage looking SERIOUSLY pissed. Oh my god, I was a grade school Eve Harrington!

Anyway, the point is that there was one song we used to sing with Miss Paulen every Christmas that I was wild about, because I had never heard it on any of my parents Christmas records and didn't get to sing it any other time... and it goes like this:

Hope you all have a Merry Christmas!
Rick

track 60: i want you

2009-12-21T01:31:00.004-05:00

I went on a cruise to celebrate the wedding of my friend Rosie. One thing I remember about it was that there was this guy who reminded me a lot of Nick Brendon- this was right around the time Buffy had started- and I kept seeing him and really wanted to talk to him. But didn't. And Savage Garden played like 100x, forcing me to like this song.
But what I remember most was how beautiful and peaceful it was, sitting alone in the dark on the deck of the ship, out on the water, getting lost in the stars above. Total bliss. I wish I could feel that way all the time.

-------
June 14, 1997:
Subj: the cruise and everything after
Date: 97-06-14 04:22:39 EDT
From: RbSayre

So I went on this cruise to nowhere tonight.

Really cool. My first cruise. The food kinda sucked, but a girl bought me a drink so I danced with her. I lost 10 bucks at the freaking slots. I had 3 rum and cokes. I tried desperately to find the guy who was sort of a Nick Brendon lookalike, to no avail (until after we had departed the ship and I was waiting for everyone, then he sat right next to me and by then I'd lost my nerve.) I spent the last hour or maybe hour and a half so peaceful and content, sitting on the top deck at the back of the boat with the sea breeze and the stars. And at night it's so dark you can't see where the sky ends and the water begins, so it's almost as if you're flying in outer space...

But maybe that's the 3 rum and cokes. Shit, I was gonna say something else.
Oh yeah, old people dancing the YMCA are funny.

next time: you're giving me crooked answers • i'm cracking your little code • i'm learning another language • so full it's about to explode

track 59: come to me

2009-12-05T14:31:00.004-05:00

In 1997, we Baleheads found out that object of our affection, Christian Bale would be appearing at EPCOT Center in Orlando to present at the Discover Awards. Lisa and I made plans to go. We were both really involved in the online world of Christian Bale, who was, back then, somewhat of an internet cult star. It wasn't until his post-American Psycho work in the 2000s that more people began to recognize the awesomeness that is Bale. We were a bunch of people who knew him from stuff like Newsies and Little Women. Lisa & I were involved in a small mailing list that included the webmaster for Christian's official site and had a bit of an inside track. As such, I had at one point sent a mixtape (of course) to Christian through this guy [who isn't associated with CB anymore]. It included a remix of a Björk song, "Come to me," since I knew CB loved her music. I was pretty sure he'd be impressed to hear this b-side (the Black Dog remix).

Sadly, he never showed up at my door to declare his undying love for me inspired by a Björk song. I'll always have affection for Christian because his movies have been a big part of my life. I also really, truly think he is one of our best actors, despite making the occasionally bad movie (but that's just me having an aversion to blockbusters & wishing he'd get back to indie films) and having, well... a bit of madness. Once BATMAN BEGINS came out, it was harder for me to believe that this was the guy who used to be our little secret. There are still glimpses of him, from time to time, but the old excitement when a new Christian Bale movie comes out isn't there anymore. Anyway, for posterity, here are the original e-mails I sent to our little mailing list after meeting the man:

June 2, 1997- E-mail to CBEC recounting the tale of meeting Christian Bale @ Disney
Subj: Chip, Dale, 'n Christian Bale
Date: 97-06-02 17:08:37 EDT

Hi everybody!!!!!!!!!
Well, I'm back from Orlando & before I go to work I figured I'd share the story! As you know, Lisa & I went up for the Discover Awards (We missed you Rox!! :( But we sent you the Raddest postcard!!). We arrived in Orlando on Friday afternoon & had lunch at the Planet Hollywood there. (AMY!! While we didn't see ANY CB stuff, they did have part of the bus from SPEED as well as the outfit Keanu wore in it and I did have my photo taken with my hand in his handprint, so I now have the same photo from 2 different PH's- the other one being my hometown PH!!) We then went to see THE LOST WORLD which was really good fun (holes, sure, but forget about it!!).
Saturday was the day of the Discover Awards, so we headed out to EPCOT at 8 in the morning to be there in time for it to open at 9. By the time we dragged ourselves- well honestly hopped & skipped- our way out we had been in the park for SIXTEEN HOURS!! Fortunately it was a pretty nice day out, except for one downpour. Luckily we were eating at the time. :-)
Anyway, during the day we ended up in the America Pavilion of the World Showcase & found the theatre where the Discover Awards would be taking place. Much to our happiness & excitement, they were in the middle of rehearsal!! But um... we didn't see Christian. Granted, leaning on a garbage bin behind the roped in auditorium wasn't what you'd call a prime viewing location... We did, however, see LeVar Burton & a magician named James "The Amazing" Randi. (As opposed to "the Amazing" James Randi... I don't know why) This was right before lunch & we had reservations & after seeing that Christian didn't look to be there, we began our trek to the restaurant- but then- Lo & Behold- a sign for the awards with a list of presenters. There, right below Mr. Burton's name, was CHRISTIAN BALE. This, I think, is when Lisa & I really got hit by the fact that we were going to see Christian in person!!
The awards began later in the evening- at 9:30, after the fireworks took place. Shortly after 9:00 they began to let in park guests who wanted to see the awards. There were many people there dressed up who were clearly nominees or invitees, who sat in the front rows, while the park guests, in t-shirts & shorts- mostly- sat in the rear. The sections were separated by a big walkway. Lisa & I (and David) took our seats in the front row of the rear section- right on the walkway. We sat and um, LISTENED to the Fireworks display (which really helped my headache ) and simultaneously kept an eye out for Christian. The Fireworks ended & a radio played songs. First the theme to the Pink Panther, then, much to our fear & loathing, the Macarena. In terror I covered my ears, searching the crowd for Christian!! But my eyes did not find him. No, they found instead, a woman in a horrid peach outfit. . . DANCING THE MACARENA!!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried to look away, but couldn't. Kind of like when you're driving past an accident scene & you know it's terrible, but you still stare? Suddenly, Lisa punched my arm and pointed to the guy who'd just walk past us.....Christian!!

um. i've got to go to work now. ;-) we'll continue this later.

ooh the suspense is gonna kill you isn't it???

rick

June 3, 1997- E-mail finishing the tale of meeting Christian Bale @ Disney
Subj: All that & a bag of oranges!
Date: 97-06-03 00:16:42 EDT

Ok so I looked up to see Christian & Valentina walking past us. Cursing Macarena Lady, I tried to get a better view, but they were being seated further down. Lisa and I sat there in an amazed silence for a bit. I have to admit that at first Christian seemed a bit unapproachable, intimidating maybe- Standing tall in a black suit with a burgundy shirt... he was sporting his MOVIELINE look (long wavy hair) and he seemed pretty tan, but in our photo he looks pale, so who knows. The lighting wasn't quite stellar. Valentina (Cervi, of PORTRAIT OF A LADY Pansy fame!!) was accompanying him, by the way. Ok so the awards began with this incredibly interesting performance artist, Denny Dent, who demonstrated something called the Two Fisted Art Attack!! He had 2 paint brushes in each hand, a huge black canvas, and some music & did 2 paintings while we watched. The second one, I'm sure Lisa will agree, was an INCREDIBLE portrait of Jimi Hendrix. I'm still just amazed. I wonder what CB thought of him?

After that, the Discover Awards REALLY began. They were presenting awards in 7 categories: Aviation & Aerospace, Automotive & Transportation, Computer Hardware & Electronics, Computer Software, Environment, Sight, and Sound. Christian was, as you probably know through the web page & Harrison's e-mail, presenting the Environmental award. I was actually pretty surprised because the awards were sort of interesting. Before each winner was announced, the video monitors on either side of the stage showed each of the nominees along with their inventions. Sure, the jokes were a bit stale. . . Okay, mostly years old with mold growing on them, but it was an awards show, it should've been expected!!

To present the Enviromental Award, Christian rode up from the rear entrance of the amphitheater in an Electric Car that was one of the nominated inventions!
He was introduced as "Actor Christian Bale" and "The Hottest star on the Internet" while a video collage with scenes from SWING KIDS and LITTLE WOMEN played on the monitors. He then stood behind the podium and said something to the effect of how honored he was to be there. The Nominees video began to play & he watched it on a monitor that must have been under the podium, fidgeting a bit, finally putting his hands in his pockets (SEE: NEWSIES). The envelope with the winner's name was delivered by a really neat robot that was designed to operate like an insect! However, the robot was going a bit slow, so Christian eventually walked over & snatched the envelope from it. :-) He announced the winner- Subhendu Guha- and then walked back to the audience, giving Mr. Guha a congratulatory pat on the back. Since there were the two large monitors we essentially had Christian to the left, Christian to the right, and Christian in the middle!

The Awards ended soon after Christian had presented the award and we found ourselves getting up to leave. Christian & Valentina were making their way back towards us, but like I said before, we were a bit wary of approaching him. However, I caught a glimpse of him speaking to another fan & the serious guy we'd seen before had disappeared. He was smiling and chatting and so I figured, what the heck?! I walked over and said "Excuse me, Mister Bale?" Yes, I called him Mister Bale. . . And I think he got a kick out of that. Anyway, I shook his hand & told him that I'm a big fan of his & that I was glad to meet him. I actually had a bit of a conversation with him & I totally had to fight this uncontrollable urge to use the word "jolly" I did however, get a laugh out of him at one point, which was cool. [The laugh was when I mentioned that we were expecting to see his webmaster at the event & had heard that he resembled Keanu Reeves] The whole thing lasted probably a minute, maybe less. Anyway, I then turned & said hello to Valentina. I said something about being glad to meet her too & she looked a bit surprised & I was like, you were fabulous in POAL- I shook her hand too (she was wearing a rather pretty dress, but she must've been dying from the heat because I know she had a sweater or something with long sleeves on!!). Anyway, she was really, really sweet! So by the time I turned around again, Lisa had said hello to Christian & David was all ready to take our photo with him! We have the most awesome photo of us on either side of Christian, who's wearing a smile! So then there were other Baleheads around, so we thanked Christian & I bid Valentina goodnight (although i don't think she heard me :( she seemed a bit overwhelmed by the Baleheads maybe?) and walked off into the night.

All I remember after that was that my headache was gone, we were bouncing rather than walking, and I kept looking at my hand & talking like Nell. Needless to say, we were thrilled. Of course all the way to the car we were saying- oh, we should have told him that he was the reason we met & became such great friends, or oh, I should've asked him about VELVET GOLDMINE [which he was making at the time], or you know, "how's Mojo?" [his dog], but you know what? It was absolutely perfect the way it was and I wouldn't change a moment of it!

We really had no intentions of actually MEETING Christian here! We figured we'd go & be able to see him at the award show & that was it. I know how much we all respect Christian, how much he means to us, so to meet him in person meant more than I can font. It was a real pleasure to share a few moments with him and I'm extremely glad that Christian took the time for us!! What can I say? We've always known that he's got class. :-)

Rick!!
(who hasn't had a decent rest since friday morning & is now going to go to sleep for at LEAST 14 hours. )

p.s. 2 more things-
#1- i have a copy of my program for the awards & i'm currently hitting myself over the head for not getting one for each of us, because I'm sure they had some left over... however, if any of you wants a copy let me know- there's not a mention of CB or anything, but it's got a list of the nominees & their inventions, etc. :-)
#2- Christian has the touch. I think he cured my headache. I've always said that he was a god.

next time: ch-ch-cherry cola

track 58: hallelujah

2009-11-21T14:25:00.005-05:00

May 29, 1997

I don't know how I first heard the news that Jeff Buckley had gone missing in Memphis. I vaguely remember watching MTV at one point and learning that he had gone into the river and disappeared. It was heartbreaking. It was a huge loss for the world of music.

I remember being home months later, sitting in the living room listening to Grace and waiting for UPS to deliver my copy of Sketches for My Sweetheart the Drunk, which was released despite being largely unfinished. Since then a lot of Jeff's live recordings, which are genius, have been released and that's how I tend to remember him the most, kidding around with Edith Piaf impressions and singing his beautiful songs.

next time: you know that i adore you

track 57: the end of my pirate days

2009-11-21T13:20:00.004-05:00

I had heard Mary Chapin Carpenter's single, "Shut up and kiss me" and really liked it. I was familiar with her name because she had worked with the Indigo Girls in the past. I bought the cassette single for "Shut up and kiss me" but found myself utterly in love with the b-side, a gorgeous ballad called "The end of my pirate days."

Now, Mary is usually classified as a country singer, but her music, and especially her album The Stones in the Road is much harder to put into a box. She writes literate, sophisticated and thought-provoking lyrics, peppered with the occasional country tune (like the single). Stones is her least "country" sounding album, and also my favorite work of hers. My mom also became a fan of Chapin and in April of 1997, we even got to see her play (with my friend Armando) at the Sunrise Musical Theatre. It was the same place we had gone to see the Go-Go's 12 years earlier. Very different show.

next time: well i heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord...

live: Fran Healy & Andy Dunlop from Travis at Joe's Pub 11.12.09

2009-11-13T02:09:00.004-05:00

"If you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends." That quote from Cameron Crowe's most perfect film, Almost Famous, is one of the best ways to describe the way that I feel about music. One of the whole points of The Songs That Made Me is that there are some songs, some music that just feels like home. For me, just listening to the Indigo Girls or Bic Runga or Aimee Mann is enough to settle my nerves, to help me find peace. It's the next best thing to getting a hug from someone i love or a delicious home-cooked meal.

One band that always makes me feel that way is Travis. I'll only tell you a bit about it, as I plan to cover them a couple times in future blogs, but I didn't know, when I received a copy of The Man Who for Christmas nine years ago, that these four Scots would ever mean so much to me. Their music has held me up and allowed me to let go for almost a decade now. I saw them for the first time at Irving Plaza here in New York a couple of years ago. When I came to NYC I told myself that if given the chance I would not miss Travis, Bic Runga or Kylie Minogue - artists who would never play in Miami. (I did get to see Bic, but missed Kylie when she played here last month. But Florence + the Machine made up for it!) So seeing Travis was a big deal for me.

My friend & co-worker, Lesley, was a huge fan of the band and when I ran into her after the Irving Plaza show, she made a point to introduce me to Andy, Fran and Neil. My first Travis show couldn't have been any better. Last year, Fran played a solo benefit at Housing Works, in which he played songs from the Travis catalog in chronological order, much like he and Andy were doing with this tour. (Tonight, I mentioned that I had seen that show & he said it was sort of the inspiration.) I also saw the band play at Webster Hall this spring. As much as I love seeing the Indigo Girls play and as much as I stand by my statement that Florence + the Machine was the most amazing concert I've ever seen, Travis is my favorite band to watch live. They love what they do- you can see it as they play. They love what they're doing, the fans love hearing them and there is an amazing energy created by all of this positivity that is unlike anything you can imagine.

Tonight was my fourth Travis show (or... my 2.75th?) and once again, my nervousness about crowded places and anxiety about being out in general disappeared as soon as Fran took the stage and played "20." The comfort, the bright feeling that everything is going to be okay took over and the rest of the night was just a non-stop high. Fran & Andy went through the Travis discography, telling stories about the songs (Who knew that "Cheers" and the Michael Douglas movie Falling Down inspired songs like "Driftwood" and "Falling down"?) and playing their rock n roll hearts out. My favorite moment was Fran's story about the French DJ asking if "Why does it always rain on me?" was written because "it is raining in your soul??"

(OK my favorite moment was the sexy Jake Gyllenhaal photos in the slideshow, but that's not really musically relevant. Another favorite moment was Fran schooling the douchebags who stood next to me for most of the set TALKING the entire time. Why?)
I also loved what Fran said about "Slideshow" and about the way that music is so important, how something like Joni Mitchell's "Blue" is priceless... worth more than a million dollars. It's what I write this blog to try to express.

After the show, Fran & Andy were signing stuff and meeting people. I waited in line nervously- there's always something that makes me feel awkward about meeting people I admire so much. But I got to shake their hands and THANK them for giving us all this music, for helping us get through everything... A month ago I thought that I was going to be able to move back home, that I'd be with my family for Thanksgiving, my birthday, my mom's birthday, Christmas... Finding out that it wasn't happening was a heartbreaking thing. I spend a lot of the time trying to distract myself with music, books or movies. I try to be patient and know that if anything, I'm going to make it happen in the spring. In the meantime, I have moments where my need to be home, my need for comfort is almost overwhelming. Tonight despite the crowds, despite the idiots talking nearby, despite everything, I heard the music and my breaking heart was soothed. The only way I know how to put it in words is that tonight, I felt at home. Thank you Fran & Andy.

PS thanks to Fran for getting this shot with my crap phone camera!

track 56: wide open spaces

2009-11-12T13:11:00.009-05:00

March 28, 1997.
For some reason, we didn't think that there would be an opening act at the Paula Cole show because it hadn't been mentioned anywhere that I could find. However, a singer/songwriter called Holly Palmer had opened for Paula in Atlanta the week before. I confess that when we walked into the Carefree Theatre and I saw a poster advertising Holly as the opening act, I went "ugh" simply because I was all about Paula. Sometimes opening acts can just seem like an unwelcome detour. However, when Holly took the stage (accompanied only by guitar player Robin Macatangay), she won me over utterly and completely. Her performance was fantastic, powerful... explosive. Literally. While she was covering an Aretha Franklin song, one of the lights to the left of the stage blew, scaring the hell out of everybody with a sound like a gunshot followed by shattering glass. Robin wasn't fazed- I swear he didn't miss a lick. Holly paused for a moment, said, "excuse me..." and kept right on singing. Between sets, I hurried to the back to buy a copy of her self-titled debut. En route, I got a bit lost and eventually realized that I was in the line for the ladies room. (I didn't expect it to be going so far back!) Once I got my bearings, I approached the counter and found Holly there! I congratulated her on such a great show and asked her to be careful of exploding lights. It was the first of many awkward post-show conversations with Holly, just because I tend to be awkward when I'm around people I'm a fan of... and with this show, I certainly became a fan. To this day, Holly is one of my all-time favorites and a favorite live performer. She signed my CD, "To Rick, Thanks for asking!"

Here's a clip of Holly singing "Carmen" with Paula Cole, much like they did at the encore of our show:

I could not stop listening to my copy of Holly Palmer. I remember taping it so that I could listen to it at work and singing along with "Wide open spaces" and "Come lie with me" while I unpacked boxes and stocked video games and crushed on Orlyn M. I kept my ears open for more Holly... but nothing came. In 1999, her song "A rose (by any other name)" appeared on the soundtrack for Forces of Nature and she was on tour with David Bowie. Her next album was to be called Tender Hooks. But it wasn't released.

Four years later, she showed up dueting with Michael Bublé on the theme song for Down with Love and a single called "Just so you know" was released from a forthcoming album called I Confess... but that album never came out either.

It wasn't until 2004 that Holly released both I Confess and the unreleased 2000 album, Tender Hooks through CD Baby and her own Bombshell Records. It was jarring to hear "Just so you know" after listening to Holly Palmer for years- more so to hear I Confess, which featured collaborations with Dr. Dre and Motown legend Lamont Dozier.

Once I heard the cool and dizzying Tender Hooks I could really see how Holly went from point A to B and as amazing as both of those albums are, I surprised myself by falling hard for I Confess and appreciating it as the smart pop gem that it is. Despite big label troubles, Holly released two fantastic albums to go along with her lovely debut. I not only became a dedicated fan, but learned that sometimes the opening act isn't a detour, but the destination; I had become a much bigger fan of Holly's than the singer she opened for! Years later, when I moved to New York, Holly released her fourth album, Songs for Tuesday and I got to see her play several more times. But that's another story...

In the meantime, visit Holly's website and give her music a try!

next time: and those who need adventure, they can sail the seven seas • and those who search for treasure, they must live on grander dreams...

track 55: me

2009-11-07T12:50:00.007-05:00

Paula Cole, who I had seen open for Melissa Etheridge, had a new album out. The first single was "Where have all the cowboys gone?" I liked it. But I had no idea what to expect from the album, This Fire. It was leaps and bounds better than her debut, Harbinger and remains her finest work. "Cowboys" and the other well-known single/Dawson's Creek theme, "I don't want to wait" aren't the best bits. The best stuff are the darker, soul-baring songs like "Tiger" or "Throwing stones." I remember singing along with "Throwing stones" one day at home by myself and surprising myself at the strength of my voice and how much I felt that song. And awkward once I realized that the men who mowed the lawns in our neighborhood were right outside as I was belting out "call me a bitch in heat and i'll call you a motherfucker and we'll throw stones until we're dead!" The highlight of the album for me is called "Me." It's something I identified with completely, one of those songs that is so close to who I am that it's almost as though I could have written it myself. Here's a video of Paula performing the song earlier this year:

it's me who is my enemy
me who beats me up
me who makes the monsters
me who strips my confidence
and it's me who's too weak
and it's me who's too shy
to ask for the thing i love

Story of my life. To this day This Fire is an album that feels like home to me. I had been lucky enough to see Paula play at a free festival in Miami during January. My mom and I went to Coconut Grove on a cold (for Miami) day. We found out that Paula would be playing much later on and went to see Portrait of a Lady with Christian Bale. We came back and saw some of Duncan Sheik's set, then Paula played, freezing her ass off on the stage. I remember being distinctly annoyed with the people standing near me who talked through the entire set, only to be quiet when she played "Cowboys." Then we went to Denny's and had mozzarella sticks & chicken fingers. It's one of my favorite days ever.

Paula came back to Florida for a proper show at the Carefree Theatre in West Palm Beach, where I had seen Tori Amos and E a few years earlier. Lisa came down to see the show with me on March 28, 1997. Walking from the parking lot to the theatre, I saw Paula walking down the sidewalk, her headphones on and people oblivious to the fact that it was her. I attempted a wave and a "Hi Paula!" but she was in a zone.
The next track will share the story of Paula's opening act, but here's an excerpt of an e-mail I wrote after the show with details of Paula's set:

When Paula took the stage it was her and Jay [Bellerose, the fantastic drummer who has also played with Holly Palmer and countless others], they played "Happy home" together and then the band came out for "Throwing stones." I have to say that I think it was a really different experience seeing Paula with a band. They rocked, of course, but what always amazes me about Paula is that seeing her on the piano, with only Jay accompanying her doesn't rock any less- you know what I mean? And while there are a few songs that I prefer without a band (tiger, i am so ordinary, hitler's brothers) it was amazing nonetheless. Paula introduced "I don't wanna wait" as the "next smash single" from the album and did the mask thing on "Where have all the cowboys gone?" [She had this masquerade mask that she'd perform with] She used the finger-cymbals on "Road to dead" which was cool. That's probably my least favorite Paula song, but I was mesmerized by the fact that she could handle singing AND those finger-cymbals- It was pretty good! "Carmen" was one of the songs she did in the encore. She played guitar and Holly Palmer joined her to sing along. Very cool- I think that's the first time I've seen Paula play guitar, and Lisa, who saw Paula last week in Atlanta, said that she didn't play it then. It was the best "Jolene" I've ever heard, and Paula urged us all up to our feet for it so we could uh, "shake our booties together" or something."

I saw Paula perform one more time, at Midtown Music in Atlanta a year later. Her follow up album was called Amen and while it had a couple of songs that I liked, I never found myself as entranced as I was with This Fire.

next time: wide open spaces, i'm falling • you think i'm crazy, i'm not

liner notes: florence + the machine live

2009-10-28T01:42:00.005-04:00

Tonight I saw Florence + the Machine's first ever North American show and it was the most mesmerizing, glorious experience I've ever had at a concert. It was at times a theatrical extravaganza, a revival meeting and a rave. I can't even put into words how incredible it was - I can only say that seeing that lovely silent-movie star looking slip of an English lass one would never expect that when she opened her mouth there was such glory to be found. She sings from the tip of her toes, with every follicle of hair, a voice that is bigger than anything. I was honored and lucky to be able to see her play.

Check out the fantastic Florence Daily site, which is where the picture comes from!

(My favorite song of the night was Howl, seen here from her performance in Glastonbury)

There is another brief review of the show and tons of gorgeous photos at the brooklynvegan site!

liner notes: Florence + the Machine LUNGS out today!

2009-10-20T10:56:00.002-04:00

I know that I've been talking about Florence + the Machine for almost as long as I've been writing this blog, but the debut album Lungs is finally available in the USA today. I hope you'll check it out!

Also if you know where a fellow can find a single, solitary ticket for next Tuesday's show at the Bowery... let me know. it is sold out. *sadface*

Here's another video for the single "Dog days are over" for your enjoyment!

live version: Anna Ternheim

2009-10-17T12:22:00.004-04:00

I saw Anna Ternheim last night at Bowery Ballroom. She was the first of three acts, but she was the reason I went, along with my friend Ayana. First off, I think I gasped when she took the stage because she's absolutely beautiful. Her set list:

Better be (Anna on guitar & with pianist)
(with band from Loney Dear)
-Let it rain
-Black Sunday
-To be gone
-What have I done
-No I don’t remember
I’ll follow you tonight (again only Anna & pianist)

I was so happy that the one song I was hoping she'd play was the first and Ayana's favorite was the one she played last. She also played the two songs that mean the most to me, "To be gone" (which is actually my ringtone) and "What have I done" (which is the first song of hers I heard, back in the spring.) She announced that she would be signing her CDs after the set, but I hadn't brought any with me to be signed- never expecting that she would be doing that. However, we went to the merch table & since there were no t-shirts (I love the designs for her latest album) I bought a tote bag and a trio of badges, which you can also purchase from her website.
This is the t-shirt I was hoping to find, but the tote has the same great design:

We waited a few minutes and soon she came down the stairs. She saw me & said "Oh, you bought a bag! I must sign it!" I went "really?" and thanked her for coming to play. Then Ayana said "It's his birthday, can you give him a hug? He speaks Swedish!" to which I replied, "no, no... no..." But I did tell her that her music has really helped get me through the last year, to which she seemed thankful. Ayana spoke to her about a town in Sweden where she'd spent a summer and was thrilled that Anna spoke a little Swedish when she replied. Also, she is as tall as me, which was surprising. So lovely! Anyway, we walked back up to Union Square to catch our trains, only then did I unfold the tote bag to see the autograph, which reads: "Happy Birthday! Anna Ternheim." It's actually incredibly awesome, as Ayana randomly bought me a pair of black Converse last year as a birthday gift - in October. And since I probably wouldn't have stayed to wait if it had just been me (to avoid saying something as open and raw as "your music has really gotten me through the last year") I wouldn't have gotten my bag signed without her.

track 54: light my candle

2009-10-17T12:19:00.009-04:00

I’m pretty sure that the first time I heard about Jonathan Larson’s musical, Rent, was while sitting in a waiting room while my mom had a doctor’s appointment somewhere in South Miami. That week Adam Pascal and Daphne Rubin-Vega were on the cover of Newsweek. I read the entire article and the story was so compelling. I continued to hear & read more and more about the show. I pre-ordered the cast album. When I got it and heard it I was so deeply moved. It was love at first listen. I shared my enthusiasm with Lisa, who became equally obsessed. In fact, she scored some awesome posters. Mine is still on the door of my room back in Miami.

So excited were we that we actually made plans to travel to New York to see the show on March 13, 1997. My mom & Dave joined us and it would be our first trip to New York City. Of course this meant flying. I hate flying. Even though at that point, I’d only flown one time (well twice) from Miami to L.A. and back, but that had been enough. I don’t think I felt any better when they showed a trailer for our in-flight movie, Michael, featuring the song “Goin’ on up to the spirit in the sky…”
It was quite a shock stepping out into the March weather. It was in the 30s and in Miami, it had been 80-something. I got used to it eventually, and even liked the cold. The hotel we stayed in was the Ameritania on 54th & Broadway, right next to the Ed Sullivan Theater, where they tape the Late Show with David Letterman.

We were a bit freaked out because as we walked into the hotel, we saw a bare lobby that was stripped of anything except for an abandoned counter. The reason we got such a cheap deal is because they were renovating the hotel. We couldn’t check in till 3 (my mom thought it was because they were still renovating our room) so we left our luggage and walked to the Hard Rock Café on 57th street. I was disappointed that among the memorabilia they didn’t have any of Courtney Love’s ripped stockings or an empty bottle of Tori Amos Red Hair Dye.

When we went back to the hotel we were led through the bar that adjoined the empty lobby where a temporary check-in counter had been set up. Our room was on the second floor and, as mom suggested, they were still renovating that floor. In fact, the bellhop had trouble finding our room because there was no number on the door yet. A few minutes later Lisa called to let us know that she’d been there for a few hours. We met up with her and headed across the street for dinner, probably to a TGI Fridays. Then we walked 13 blocks down to the Nederlander Theatre for the show. We were in the fourth row. It was… well…

An e-mail I sent out at the time:
“The performance was incredible! I don’t know if it was a particularly exceptional night for them (Timothy Britten Parker – Steve – mentioned something to that effect) or if it was just the excitement of my first Rent experience, but the energy was amazing. I really cried so much, mostly tears of joy, I think, just from being there… Anthony Rapp… is like a bundle of energy or something, I swear! We saw Darius De Haas as Collins (he was so great) and Mark Setlock as Angel. As we left the theatre, I was debating with Lisa about how to pronounce Gilles Chiasson (Squeegee Man)’s name and I noticed that she had the oddest look on her face, so I turned around to see him looking over at us with a smile. He corrected us. Then I went to drop some money in Daphne Rubin-Vega’s bucket (they were out collecting money for Broadway Cares after the show) and told her that I came all the way up from Miami to see the show. She was incredibly sweet and I shook her hand and can honestly say that she made this gay man turn into a pool of mushy goo. Outside, I spoke with Timothy for a bit and he was super nice – the only person I remembered to ask to sign my Playbill, actually.” D’oh!!! “When Adam Pascal came out everyone went crazy… I took a photo of him and Lisa (I actually said Say cheese!)” double D’oh!! “Fredi Walker was chatting with some women when finally Anthony came out and was pretty much bombarded. He noticed a button that I was wearing… I kinda fled, but Lisa kept telling me that he noticed me as soon as he walked out, that he kept looking at me and that he seemed like he wanted to talk a little more. My head hurts from hitting myself over and over again for my stupidity!!! Could have flirted with cutest boy from Rent… aaargh!!!”

We spent Friday sightseeing and hunting for that infamous Deborah Gibson CD But before that hunt began, Lisa & I decided that we had to see the show again before the weekend was over. Lisa tracked down tickets, but only individual ones, for Saturday. I had to see the matinee because my flight was leaving at 6:30. Lisa got herself a ticket for the 8:00 show. My mom & Dave did their own thing that night as I had plans to meet up with some friends: Shawn, who had come down from Massachusetts to meet me and Miki, who came in from Jersey with Andrew, another Ani DiFranco listee. They met us at our hotel and we first headed back to the Nederlander to pick up our tickets. Unfortunately, when we got there it was 8:30 and the box office was closed. We went outside and found that Andrew had disappeared. He had snuck into the theatre. A few minutes he came out with a shit-eating grin. He had seen a bit of “Light my candle.” We headed 10 blocks back up to Ellen’s Stardust Diner. The wait staff sang. Someone did “You light up my life.” The fries sucked. It was my newest definition of hell. We decided to try to crash an after-party for a screening of Drunks, being held rather ironically at Bar 6. An excellent place to celebrate a movie about a group of alcoholics. The point was to catch a sighting of Parker Posey, who was my favorite person in the world that year. No dice. We ended up meeting up with Miki’s friend Adam and going to this Friends-like coffee shop, The Big Cup, on 8th & 22nd in Chelsea, until Lisa & I were so dead tired that we headed back to the hotel.

On Saturday morning, we went to Rockefeller Center and watched people skating as we had breakfast. Lisa & I bought Yankees baseball caps(?!?) and then we went to Saint Patrick’s Cathedral, the one sight my mom really wanted to see. We checked out of our hotel at noon and moved our stuff to Lisa’s room at The Crowne Plaza on 49th & Broadway, where she was staying the rest of the week for a convention she was working. While Dave and mom went to do their own thing, Lisa and I wandered around the Theatre District before my matinee started. It was just as amazing. For the matinee, Darius played Benny and Mark Leroy Jackson played Collins, making Jesse L. Martin the only original cast member that I didn’t get to see. (At least not until a decade later, when I was living in New York and waited behind him at New Andy’s Deli on 18th street, buying a soda during my lunch break.) I didn’t have time to stick around after the show, but I did say hello to Timothy again, who was collecting money for Broadway Cares. No Anthony Rapp sightings, much to my heart’s dismay.

I would never in a million years have thought that I’d eventually be living in the city that seemed like such a gigantic adventure back then. Since then, I’ve seen two different touring productions of the show and you know that when I watch it, I’m probably lip-syncing every single line. And, yes, I have the movie on DVD. Even though it is definitely flawed. What saddens me is that as much as I still love Rent, I find that it’s harder for me to really believe in what it has to say. When the show debuted it was inspirational, almost a religion. Now I find myself as a cynical thirtysomething, rolling my eyes at some moments, thinking it’s a bit of a rose-colored fantasy. This thought makes me sad and I have to say that listening to the cast recording this morning makes me think that maybe I can feel that optimism once again. That period of my life, the initial experience of Rent and especially that weekend was one of the most incredible experiences in my life & I'm so glad I got to share it with the people I love the most.

next time: where do i put this fire? this bright red feeling?

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track 53: Buffy the Vampire Slayer theme

2009-10-05T00:08:00.000-04:00

March 3, 1997: And Then There Was Buffy. And It Was Good.

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next time: maybe it's not the moon at all • i hear Spike Lee's shooting down the street • bah humbug

track 52: damage i've done

2009-10-04T12:28:00.000-04:00

In October of 1996, Johnette Napolitano of Concrete Blonde was featured on an album by The Heads (who were Talking Heads without lead singer David Byrne). She performed on two tracks of the album No Talking, Just Head and toured with the band. I never really got into most of the music on the disc, with the exception of Johnette's collaboration, the lead single, "The damage I've done."

Again, I just longed for a Johnette solo album, but I would have to wait another decade for it.

next time:
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A-|-7---------------5---------------5----------7----5---------------|
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E5 G Bm D
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D-|-2---------------5---------------4---------------7---------------|
A-|-2---------------5---------------2---------------5---------------|
E-|-0---------------3-----------------------------------------------|

track 51: get out the map b/w wild horses

2009-10-04T10:57:00.000-04:00

For my first Indigo Girls show(s), I traveled a bit. I actually went all the way to New Orleans. They were taking part in the New Orleans Jazz Festival on May 2, 1996 and would be playing another show at the University of New Orleans two days later with Joan Baez and Joan Osborne. A lot of people from The List were planning a trip and I thought I could make it on my own, but in the end I pitched the idea of a trip to New Orleans to my Dad and we made a trip out of it with my brother. I'd never been to New Orleans before. I had read about it a lot, mostly through the tons of Anne Rice books I used to read.

The trip up from Miami was long and as usual driving through Florida is a tremendous bore. If you go the quickest way, you're cutting through the middle of the state and the scenery is pretty dull. I love riding along the coast of Florida, through the small beach towns, especially on the east coast, with the Atlantic right outside of your window. One of my fantasy places to live (and I have many) would be somewhere like Flagler Beach, right on the water. And then I remember what hurricane season means for those adorable little towns and think, "maybe not." During the ride up I remember clearly sitting in the back seat and playing the Ani DiFranco disc I'd picked up in Atlanta on my Discman.

Once we got to New Orleans, we visited Bourbon Street, one of the old cemeteries (and I seem to remember wanting to find a very specific one - probably because of some Rice novel) and yes, we even followed the crowd to Anne Rice's house. In retrospect, how creepy is that? Just imagine having these groups of people (mostly in all black) lingering outside of your home? She was actually in the phone book! Although one thing I really wanted, but didn't get to do was have a beignet. I need to get back for that at the very least.

The Jazz Fest was crowded and full of music. I feel like if it had been two years later, when I had started to listen to some jazz, I would have appreciated it more. But I was there for one reason only. Okay, two: Indigo Girls! The people from The List had a plan - we'd all wear shirts with cows on them to recognize a fellow IG list person. This was inspired by an exchange of dialogue during a live recording of "Galileo" on the 1200 Curfews album. Part of the song talks about the idea of reincarnation and before they play it, they talk about Galileo and imagine him reincarnated as a cow in a field somewhere, looking up at the stars. Just before the song begins, one of the Girls says "moo" - and that sparked a whole debate on the list. No one could say for sure if it was Amy or Emily who said "moo!" I got a plain white v-neck tee, knowing that it would be hot out, and some cow stencils from Michael's and quoted the line about the cow looking up at the stars. I think it was a bit early for me to really have known anyone from the list very well, so I had a vague idea of some of the people who'd be there. I was a newbie. While my dad & Dave wandered through the festival, I found the stage the Girls were playing on and went as far as I could to the front. I think the Chamber Brothers were playing. I just remember that I stood in the same spot for a very, very long time and got very, very sunburned. But IG fans being who they are, I did get found and eventually a group of people from the list were all around and it was time for the show. The first song they played was "Reunion." I seem to remember that they also played a few songs for the first time in public at these two shows: "Shame on you," "Get out the map," and "Don't give that girl a gun," which I think might have been played before. These songs would all end up being on their Shaming of the Sun album.

Two days later, Dad & Dave dropped me off at the University of New Orleans to see the second show. Joan Osborne played first and the place seemed to empty considerably after her set. Then Joan Baez. I can't talk about it, I'm not a fan. Again, seats emptied. Finally, the Girls took the stage. By this time, a lot of us had moved further up into the empty seats and it was a great time. For the encore, they were joined by Baez and another singer from Atlanta who I had heard of through The List, Michelle Malone. They mentioned that Michelle had a new album coming out called Beneath the Devil Moon and then they played a few songs, culminating in a cover of the Rolling Stones song "Wild horses." Anyone who's heard Michelle sing that song will understand how completely in awe I was of her voice. It was my favorite song of the whole weekend and when I heard Beneath the Devil Moon, it became one of my favorite albums of that year. One of the list people had taped both shows and then put them on CDs and sent copies to those of us who were there. I treasure those CDs always because they capture one of the most memorable weekends of my life.

next time: how do i undo the damage i have done?

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track 49: joking / track 50: cradle and all

2009-10-03T11:50:00.000-04:00

In the Spring of 1996 I made the acquaintance of two women who both became important parts of my life. Okay, sort of. I mean, I've never met one of them personally, and the other one I had known for some months via the wonderful world of AOL. As I mentioned previously, when I arrived on the internet, the first thing I did was look up more information about Christian Bale and the first people I became friends with online were Baleheads. One was a girl in California, a high school student called Brianne. Eventually she introduced me to another Balehead from Atlanta, Lisa Dupre. The three of us would usually be online around the same time every night and we'd hang out in a private chat room talking about Christian, movies, musicals and music. Eventually we'd mail each other mix tapes, too. I totally clicked with Lisa and I remember praising the music of Sarah McLachlan and the Indigo Girls to her. I know that at the time she listened to mostly musicals; we bonded over Andrew Lloyd Webber and our love for Michael Ball from Aspects of Love. So at one point, I made her a mix tape: One side had Sarah McLachlan, the other had the Indigo Girls. She loved it.

While my brother was on Spring Break that year, he and my mom and I were going up to visit my Aunt Charlotte & Uncle Bill in Cleveland, Georgia. Lisa and I made plans to meet up in Atlanta for lunch. We finally met face to face at Rainy Day Records, a local store that was a favorite among the people on the Indigo Girls mailing list I was part of. At the record shop, Lisa asked me which Indigo Girls album she should start with and I told her Rites of Passage, since it was my personal favorite. (so there! see?) We both ate our favorite meal, chicken fingers, at Grady's and posed for a photo, with Lisa holding a photo of Brianne, the third member of our nightly trio. Whenever I'd visit Lisa, we'd usually end up going back to Grady's for a meal, but I think Rainy Day Records is probably gone by now. I know people usually say stuff like "Oh their music changed my life!" or whatever, but that little act of making a mix tape for my friend actually ended up having a giant impact on her life. Because now Lisa (who has seen the Indigo Girls probably hundreds of times, traveling to see them play) helps run the official IG and Amy Ray websites. In fact, earlier this year Lisa and Dee came up to NYC for a show Amy did at Housing Works. After the show, Lisa introduced me to Amy as the person who introduced her to the Indigo Girls. Amy smiled, said "Wow! Good to meet you!" and shook my hand. Life can be pretty awesomely strange sometimes, no?

However, it was at Rainy Day Records that I also made the acquaintance of another longtime companion: Ani DiFranco. Through the IG list, I kept hearing about other musicians: Dar Williams, Michelle Malone and Ani DiFranco, who seemed to be mentioned above all others. Not long before our trip to Georgia, I had heard one of Ani's songs on WVUM and decided to give her a try. At the record store, I discovered that she had recorded tons of albums. I chose the most recent one at the time, Not a Pretty Girl. From the opening effect of swirling guitars on "Worthy" I was hooked. Ani had a sound that was absolutely her own. Especially her guitar work which is sort of muscular and bold - I can't explain it better than that, but she's one of the few artists whose guitar playing I can recognize because it seems to have its own unique voice. Lyrically, she was smart and witty, brash and fierce. I loved the fact that she had released all of her albums on her own label, and in fact, she has continued to chart her own course during her career. I became a huge fan.

While Not a Pretty Girl is still one of my favorite Ani albums, it is the one she released a few weeks after I discovered her, Dilate, that is my all-time favorite. It's one of those beautiful and heartbreaking albums that always seemed to me to be about unrequited love, which is my area of expertise. I immediately delved into Ani's backlist as well, her first few albums are just her and her guitar, but sound just as rich as the rest of her work. However, some of the best Ani stuff are the live recordings, especially Living in Clip. Her music continues to push boundaries and even when I'm not completely transfixed, it is always worth listening to the little folk singer who could.

next time: get out the map and lay your finger anywhere down

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track 48: river

2009-10-02T11:24:00.000-04:00

If you don't know this song or Joni Mitchell, you should press play and listen to her gorgeous live version of "River" while you read:

By the winter of 1996, I had fallen in love with the Indigo Girls cover of "River" on 1200 Curfews and heard Roseanne Cash's version of the song as well as Sarah McLachlan's cover of "Blue" on 1995's excellent Spirit of '73 compilation, which featured several amazing women performing covers of 70s tunes as a benefit for Rock For Choice. This, combined with the advice of a fellow Balehead, Brianne, inspired me to give Joni Mitchell a listen. I chose the album that had both of the songs I'd heard: Blue.

For anyone unfamiliar with Joni's music, I should say that 1971's Blue is not just her greatest album, but also an essential album. It is full of poetry, acoustic guitar that rings with joy or sadness and of course, Joni Mitchell's beautiful voice. Especially in her early work, she sang so clearly and was full of light and humor as well as that beautiful melancholy that I am always drawn to in music. As long as I'm on the subject of beautiful and sad, "River" is still my very favorite song of Joni Mitchell's, the most gorgeous song on the album. "Blue" is so perfect that it makes it very difficult for me to hear anyone else perform it. I fell madly in love for "A case of you" which is my second all-time favorite Joni song. But there are also songs like "California" and "Carey" and "All I want" that are more upbeat and just as good. I also have a special fondness for "The last time I saw Richard" obviously, which includes the lyric "I'm gonna blow this damn candle out / I don't want nobody coming over to my table / I got nothing to talk to anybody about". It's like the song was written for me. I fell hard for Blue and then Brianne suggested that I try Court and Spark. It was fantastic, a little more pop-sounding than Blue, but I adored "Help me" and recognized "Free man in Paris" from having heard it at my job. Speaking of which, I recorded both albums onto a cassette, one on each side, and would bring it to work with me. At that point, I had moved on to the video game booth at Toys R Us and was able to play the radio while I worked. I probably wore out that cassette over the Christmas season.

Over the years I have continued to listen to Joni Mitchell. It's strange, though. As much as I love her and as much as her lyrics are an integral part of her music, I feel about her music outside of a few albums, the way I do about jazz. I will find myself in a certain state of mind and think, "I need to listen to Hejira or Don Juan's Reckless Daughter" because of the mood they have, rather than for specific songs. (Much like the way I'll think "I have to listen to Kind of Blue or Charles Mingus" for the same reasons. I'll eventually talk about how I was introduced to jazz and the strange relationship I have with jazz music, but it's hard to explain.) It may also be due to the fact that Joni's work ended up being influenced by jazz (she even collaborated with Mingus), but while there are some Mitchell albums I can play and sing along with, there are some that play and just sort of seep into me the way a film score will, that I appreciate for the feeling that comes over me when I hear them.

In 2000, she recorded an album of standards called Both Sides Now that also included new recordings of "River" and the title track. By then her soprano had deepened and gained a rasp, years of smoking cigarettes. But it makes listening to her new recording of "Both sides now" even more powerful. Two years later, she would record new versions of several of her songs with an orchestra for the two-disc set, Travelogue. It's a gorgeous collection by a woman who is still an extraordinary artist.

next time: 14th street the garbage swirls like a cyclone / 3:00 in the afternoon & i'm going home / F train is full of high school students / so much shouting, so much laughter

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liner notes: October's P+F

2009-10-02T00:41:00.000-04:00

An aside- the new issue of my usual writing gig, Pictures & Frames Magazine, is now online. This month includes JM's reviews of Inglourious Basterds and the new Phoenix album. I contributed a piece about the American versions of The Office and State of Play, a review of Florence + The Machine's brilliant Lungs, Margaret Atwood's new novel, The Year of the Flood and a spotlight on Alfred Hitchcock. I also contributed the second part of a short story to the Focus! page.

Book review PS: I'm sooooo glad I read The Year of the Flood first. I just finished Oryx & Crake and that cliffhanger would have killed me. Especially if it had lasted 6 years the way it did for anyone who read it in 2003 when it was originally published!

Tomorrow or Saturday I will return with my piece about Joni Mitchell. I promise.

liner notes: Brandi Carlile

2009-09-30T10:31:00.000-04:00

I promise I will be back on Friday or Saturday with the next song in the series, but for now I wanted to share the link to Billboard, where you can hear the upcoming album Give Up The Ghost by Brandi Carlile in its entirety!

I love Brandi, a singer/songwriter out of Washington, and her new single "Dreams" sounds like the sort of music Patsy Cline might make if she were a twentysomething gal alive today. Please check it out and remember that Give Up The Ghost is out next Tuesday! Also, if you get a chance to see her live, DO IT! I saw her play with Amy Ray earlier this year and she was amazing. She is touring with the Indigo Girls now! Here's a clip of her singing the most incredible song, "The Story" from her last album:

track 47: land of canaan

2009-09-22T11:25:00.000-04:00

said it once before but it bears repeating

December 12, 1995: My 22nd birthday. I celebrate with my family at Planet Hollywood and am given one of the best gifts ever: 1200 Curfews, a double album that shows me that the Indigo Girls are even more awesome live. One of my favorite tracks is their cover of a song called "River."

next time: i'm so hard to handle, i'm selfish and i'm sad • now i've gone and lost the best baby that i ever had • i wish i had a river i could skate away on

track 45: come to my window / track 46: i am so ordinary

2009-09-22T01:44:00.000-04:00

I immediately fell for Melissa Etheridge's hit song "Come to my window." When the album Yes I Am came out, I realized that it had a song I had fallen for three years earlier on it. The song was called "I will never be the same" and it was featured in the Winona Ryder film Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael. The movie came out when I was a senior in high school. I remember being a huge Winona Ryder fan then and it was a great time to be one because Roxy, Mermaids and Edward Scissorhands all came out at the same time. I remember that Kristi and I had to go see Edward Scissorhands twice because the first time there were people around us talking through the whole movie. Then the second time we went, the same thing happened. Argh!

Anyway, "Come to my window" and "I will never be the same" inspired me to buy Melissa's album and I found myself enjoying it so much that I immediately went and bought all her other albums, too. I really love her first disc, Melissa Etheridge and Yes I Am the most, but Brave and Crazy is also really good. She rocked. AND she was one of the first openly gay artists, which was exciting, especially back in 1994. On July 3, 1995, she played at the Miami Arena and I went to see her with my mom and Dave. It was a fantastic show and she was a perfect fit for an arena show. However, I would find myself even more taken with her opening act, Paula Cole. Only (hello recurring theme) not at first.

Paula opened for Melissa and I remember liking her somewhat. I especially remember her cover of Dolly Parton's "Jolene." After touring with Melissa, she went on to perform with Peter Gabriel on his amazing (at least on video) Secret World tour. Soon after the show, my friend Shawn, who I had met through the Indigo Girls list, sent me a mix tape with three of Paula's songs on it. I got her debut, Harbinger. It has some great songs, "Happy home," "Bethlehem" and "Saturn girl" are some of my favorites. But some of it is a bit pretentious and overreaching.

My favorite song from the album (which was one of the three songs Shawn put on my mix) and my favorite Paula Cole song still, was "I am so ordinary."

i tell myself that love is truly giving
somehow i justify this
hoping you will understand me
hoping you will love me back
and she is your Holy Mary
and i am so ordinary
and she is your Queen Cleopatra
and i'm just your morning after
and she is your Star Spangled Banner
and i am just Frere Jacques

It immediately hooked its way into my heart. Little did I know that it would be the song I'd listen to over and over again three years later, crying over The Boy Who Broke My Heart. To this day, I identify with the lyrics, with feeling second best, not good enough. If she had never written another song, Paula Cole would have had my heart eternally for writing that one.

next time: i'm not your promised land • i'm not your promised one • i'm not the land of canaan • waiting for you under the sun

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track 44: elsewhere

2009-09-20T10:45:00.000-04:00

One of the problems with remembering all of this is that sometimes the timelines get mixed up. This song rightfully belongs a few spaces up. Track 42, where it would have been between Jeff Buckley and the Indigo Girls. Because I know that I listened to Sarah McLachlan before getting the Boys on the Side soundtrack.

Discovering Fumbling Towards Ecstasy was another case of reading so many reviews that I decided to take a chance on an album. I remember having liked Sarah's song "Into the fire" from her previous album, Solace. I remember the first time I heard it, one afternoon on WVUM, I thought it was a new Sinéad O'Connor song. I had probably also heard Fumbling's big single, "Possession" at some point before buying the album. In my mind, Fumbling Towards Ecstasy is a perfect album. It's also the only perfect Sarah McLachlan album. Because of course, I immediately dived into her back catalog, and as much as I love Touch and Solace, they have their flaws and can be a bit pretentious and flowery. Further on, Surfacing would suffer a bit, despite being her giant breakthrough to popular music, because anything following a perfect album will be a disappointment and Afterglow would be a bit dull.

Regardless, I was obsessed with Fumbling and with Sarah and soon my love for her and my love for the Indigo Girls would lead to big things: Discovering Joni Mitchell and introducing my friend Lisa to the music of Sarah and the Girls.

next time: i would dial the numbers just to listen to your breath

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track 43: dancing queen

2009-09-19T10:59:00.000-04:00

In March of 1995, I was dying to see an Australian movie I'd read a lot about: Muriel's Wedding. It was just opening in the US that spring and I went to see it at Kendall Town & Country with my mom. I seem to remember that this was a point in time where we'd all go the movies almost weekly. Aside from igniting my deep, unwavering love for actress Toni Collette, it also triggered a memory for me. A memory of my youth. A memory of a song. A memory... of disco.

After being busted at a friend's wedding wearing a stolen dress, Muriel Heslop is accompanied home by a pair of cops. Her father, an ambitious politician, butters the boys up with beers and smooths things over. While he does that, Muriel goes to her bedroom (bypassing her sister's "Muriel, you're terrible"), sits down, and presses play on her tape recorder. She is in a daze as almost angelic voices being to sing "ahhh" and then in sync with the singers, Muriel sings, "You can dance, you can jive/having the time of your life..." I found myself lip-syncing along, too. As the movie progressed and more ABBA songs played, I realized that I knew this music. And kind of well. I remembered that my mom had an ABBA cassette that we'd listen to in the car years ago. I probably hadn't heard ABBA for years before the movie, but it was all so familiar to me.

I went out and bought the recently released ABBA collection called Thank You For The Music. I listened to "Dancing queen" and "Fernando" and "I do I do I do I do I do" over and over. I loved the band's final single, "Under attack" and mourned the dissolution of ABBA, 13 years before I truly discovered them. I bought every ABBA album there was. I loved their harmonies, the pure cheesy pop goodness of it all. I still don't have any idea what a "Super trouper" is or why they wore the outfits that they wore. I know I should be ashamed to admit it, but no: I love ABBA.

next time: i believe this is heaven to no one else but me

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track 42: power of two

2009-09-18T12:47:00.000-04:00

In February of 1995, my mom and I went to see a movie called Boys on the Side. I am a huge fan of Drew Barrymore. I guess that's odd, seeing as how I'm kind of a movie snob and she tends to make highly commercial romantic comedies. But in the early 1990s when she was making her comeback via movies like Poison Ivy and Guncrazy, I read a big article about her and found myself really cheering her on. I remembered being a fan of Drew's from E.T. and one of my favorite 80s comedies, Irreconcilable Differences. I read her autobiography, Little Girl Lost, which is where one of my all time favorite quotes comes from: "Happiness is knowing that you're alive and have a fighting chance to enjoy it." Ever since then, I've just adored her - she's real and she's insanely positive and I have to admire that a lot.

The movie was one of her first mainstream films after coming back in a bunch of indie films and starring in Mad Love. It also featured one of my very favorite actresses, Mary-Louise Parker. I loved the movie and bought the soundtrack, which was a compilation of women musicians that included Melissa Etheridge, Sarah McLachlan, Bonnie Raitt and this little song called "Power of two" by the Indigo Girls. I fell in love with this song. It was swooningly romantic and full of gorgeous harmonies. I went back and found my copy of their Rites of Passage album and gave it another good listen. It was like something had clicked and I suddenly appreciated what I had dismissed a couple of years earlier. I was obsessed with "Ghost" and "Love will come to you" is my favorite IG song ever. And yes, in fact, Rites of Passage is my favorite IG album now. I bought Swamp Ophelia, which is where "Power of two" came from, and loved it, too. At the time, even more than Rites. The production on some of the songs was closer to the music I was listening to then, especially some of the Amy songs like "Touch me fall."

I really liked these albums, but it wasn't until I got the live 1200 Curfews set for my 22nd birthday (celebrated at Planet Hollywood in Coconut Grove, I believe) that I became crazy-obssessed-Indigo Girls fan. Because as great as the studio albums are, the live stuff knocked. me. OUT. It had so many songs that I didn't know, from the earlier albums, songs that I would soon become addicted to like, "Land of Canaan." Oh, how I love "Land of Canaan!" I soon went after the earlier albums, and immediately joined the IG mailing list online.

The simple act of joining The List affected my life greatly. For many years, I was friendless. I had dropped out of school and was working at Toys R Us. I had work friends, and some of those became the sort of friends who I'd go out with once in a while. But no one really shared my interests. So online, I had a bunch of Christian Bale friends, and a bunch of IG friends. Through the list, I met my great friend Shawn, I discovered the music of Dar Williams and Ani DiFranco, which led to another mailing list and another group of people. I met up with people from the list in 1996 at the New Orleans Jazz Festival, an unlikely place for my first IG show, and over the years have had several similar experiences. I remember debating which Girl says "Moo!" and discussing whether or not we were all Amy people or Emily people.

For the record, I started off as an Emily person and have grown into an Amy person. But I really love them both. I love Amy's rock n roll sensibility and growling vocals. I admire her so much for the songs that come from a darker place, but never stop being able to see the light, no matter how dim it may be. I love watching Amy play live because she is doing what she loves and she's enjoying it and you can just feel the amazing energy while watching. I love Emily's poetry and honesty. I also really love her dedication to her faith, especially as it comes from someone else who is gay. I'm not a big fan of organized religion or musicians who try to shove their beliefs down your throat. I see God in everyday things and I pray, but I also believe that everyone's entitled to their own beliefs. I don't talk about it much. But when I hear some of these songs (particularly "The wood song"), I feel moved and reverent; they are a bit like my own versions of hymns. And really a lot of the music that I hold dearest to my heart feels like that. As Emily wrote in the book co-written by her father, Don Saliers, A Song to Sing, A Life to Live: Reflections on Music as Spiritual Practice, "Anyone who struggles with love and suffering and searches for the mystery ends up singing- or at least listening to music."

In the end, what I love most is the combination of these two amazing humans, Amy Ray and Emily Saliers. When their voices come together, there's nothing I can think of that is more gorgeous or moving. Their music, more than anyone else's, has brought me joy and happiness, peace, and comfort when I need it. Their music, more than anyone else's, feels like home to me.

(There will be more blogs about Indigo Girls songs to come, especially one about visiting New Orleans and another about making my friend Lisa a mix tape that would have, one might say, a bit of an effect on her and eventually about the night I met Amy Ray.)

next time: you can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life...

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liner notes: i'm your fan

2009-09-16T02:56:00.000-04:00

I've added a fan page for the songs that made me on Facebook. I'll update it every time I post a new blog rather than clogging up the newsfeeds of poor unsuspecting people who have friended me. I hope you'll add it and if you think anyone else might enjoy reading this, pass it on.

The Songs That Made Me on Facebook

and as for the big Indigo Girls post... it'll be here soon.
thanks for reading!
rick

track 41: last goodbye

2009-09-15T12:44:00.000-04:00

In late 1994, a song called "Last goodbye" by Jeff Buckley got my attention. It was a gorgeous, epic song with vocals more amazing than I'd ever heard by a male singer. At that point most of the albums I had by male artists were bands- INXS, U2, Nirvana, Depeche Mode. And as much as I liked them, I never seemed to become as big of a fan as I was of music by women. Jeff Buckley's Grace changed all of that. I don't think it hooked me completely at first. It took some time to grow on me. "Last goodbye" and "So real" and "Hallelujah" were all immediate favorites. I think "Eternal life" is currently the reigning champion, with "Dream brother" a close second. I still find that I hear something new now and then from Grace. The music that Jeff made was so much more sophisticated and almost otherworldy compared to anything else I knew. In time it would be a beloved album for me and now it's considered by most of the music world as a classic.

Needless to say I was madly in love with him. I've come a long way from Jordan Knight. Although it's always the dark hair and brown eyes, isn't it? Discovering Jeff Buckley was probably responsible for my taste in dark brooders, or as someone at work defined it, "dirty skinny white boys."

next time: i've seen the shadows of so many people trying on the treasures of youth • but a road that fancy and fast ends in a fatal crash and i'm glad we got off, to tell you the truth

track 40: make it home

2009-09-15T01:47:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite things about working at Toys R Us was that it meant I wasn't always able to go out of town with my family. My stepfather's family had a place on Marco Island that they'd go to pretty often. Once in a while, it was fun, but frankly, staying at home for a weekend by myself was AWESOME. I would usually close on Friday nights, I think, and then not have to go back in till Sunday. So on Saturday, I would order a pizza for myself, put together jigsaw puzzles and listen to CDs. Ok, probably not your average 20 year old's ideal weekend, but for me it was bliss. I remember playing Belly a lot. Also, I was into a few bands from K Records at the time, specifically Lois (Butterfly Kiss and Strumpet are gorgeous lo-fi masterpieces) and Tiger Trap (whose self titled and only album is one of my ultimate favorites). I also remember listening to the 4 Non-Blondes album Bigger! Better! Faster! More! , but I think I only liked the single. However, the one I remember listening to and singing along with the most was Juliana Hatfield's solo debut, Hey Babe.

I used to listen to the UM radio station, WVUM, with my finger on the record button of my tape player. I'd tape the songs that stood out for me. I taped "Do you love me now?" by the Breeders, followed immediately by "Turning Japanese" by the Vapors. To this day everytime I hear "DYLMN?" I expect to hear the opening notes of "Turning Japanese" at the end of the song. One of the songs that I taped was "Everybody loves me but you." Juliana had that combination of melancholy and pop that I loved. "Everybody loves me but you" is what hooked me, "Forever baby" got me even more addicted and "Ugly" is one of my personal anthems. Sometime between Hey Babe and her album Become What You Are, Juliana toured with The B-52's. When they played Miami, she did an in-store appearance at Yesterday and Today Records on Bird Road. I was excited about it and took the bus to see her. I remember it being a sad day because I had heard the day before that my high school friend Kristi's mom had lost her battle with cancer. It was the first time that someone I was somewhat close to had died. They were having a funeral up in Alabama and I wouldn't be going. My mom encouraged me to go see Juliana anyway. I stood at the back of the crowd, happy to see her playing. She was signing after the show and I had brought the insert from her "Forever Baby" single with me. I had it in my jacket pocket so when I approached her and pulled it out she gave me this odd look kind of like, "Okay... where did that come from?" She signed it "Juliana Hatfield -XO"

In August of 1994, a TV show that I had heard a lot about premiered: "My So-Called Life." It had all of this buzz, really positive reviews, so I taped the first episode. It made me cry. I totally got that show and the character of Angela Chase. Even today I can relate. So much so that last week, when I happened to find some of my old journals and writing, one of the quotes I had at the beginning was from the show:

"But that's the part that's so unfair. I have NOTHING else on my mind.
How come I have to be the one sitting around analyzing him in like,
microscopic detail and he gets to be the one with
OTHER things on his mind?" -Angela Chase, "My So-Called Life"

I thought it was funny that the quote is still insanely relevant. I know that she was a 15-year old female TV character and I was a 20-year old gay lad, but I got being the self conscious, insecure person crushing on someone beautiful and unattainable. I'm 35 now and I still feel that way. Even the story of the first episode, feeling misunderstood by her family and her old friends, making friends with a couple of wilder outsiders... I had done that pretty much. I even dyed my hair red first. I remember the next day, I watched it at my dad's house. He didn't like it. He was just like "what's her problem?" But I didn't care, I was addicted. I taped every episode that aired and was heartbroken when it ended.

On the show's Christmas episode, "So-Called Angels," Juliana Hatfield appeared as a mysterious girl Angela meets. She sings a song, leads Angela's mom to find her and her runaway friend Rickie, and then disappears. At the end of the episode there is a moment that suggests that Juliana was actually a spirit, an angel. The song she sang was called "Make it home" and I recognized it right away. She had played it at the record store. It was beautiful and heartbreaking. When I remembered why it was familiar, it reminded me of Kristi's mom and it probably always will.

next time: kiss me, please kiss me - but kiss me out of desire, baby, not consolation

track 39: violet

2009-09-14T12:01:00.000-04:00

I take adventurous chances with CDs. This used to be much more true than it is now, although it still happens. But nowadays, I can sample tracks online before taking the risk with a purchase. This was especially true in the 90s when, if I had read a really interesting article or inspiring review, I'd give something new a try sound unheard (?). I was a magazine fiend, Interview, Details and Entertainment Weekly and this is what inspired me to try Melissa Ferrick's Massive Blur, Eve's Plum's Envy, Liz Phair's Exile in Guyville and, thanks to an interesting article in Details back in 1993, Hole's Pretty on the Inside.

I stuck with Melissa Ferrick for a while until realizing that I was only enjoying a song or two from the albums after her second one, Willing to Wait and the second Eve's Plum album, Cherry Alive! wasn't as good as the first. Aside from the song "Jesus loves you (but not as much as I do)" which I loved. Liz and Hole were the only two that really stuck with me. I got Pretty on the Inside in the spring of 1993, when I was at Toys R Us. I remember getting it from Camelot Music. There was a musicseller there who helped me often, who had been there since I was in high school, buying lush's Gala album. (How do I remember this??) When I bought Pretty on the Inside, she said she'd heard about this, but wondered how it was. And in fact, it was unlike anything I'd ever heard. I was in awe. Just as Tori Amos a year before had moved me by baring her soul in hushed whispers, Courtney Love shook me by baring hers with kicks and screams. Weirdly enough, the first time I remember hearing Joni Mitchell's "Both sides now" was as part of the title track. I listened to it a lot and it ended up inspiring a lot of uncharacteristic writing. In the original article I read, Courtney was speculating about which record company would sign the band, since they were getting a lot of buzz, partly due to Courtney being Kurt's girlfriend. I remember she said she thought it would be Madonna's Maverick Records.

They ended up being signed to Geffen Records and just a week before Hole's second album, Live Through This, was going to be released, Kurt shot himself on April 5, 1994. I liked Nirvana. I had Nevermind and In Utero and liked them both. But I guess it makes sense, having always had a preference for women musicians, that I had connected more with the Hole album and was a much bigger fan of theirs. I was coming back from a trip to Georgia with my dad and Dave when I heard that Kurt was dead. It was such a shock and I remember thinking just as much about Courtney that day. I think I tend to think a lot about those who get left behind when someone dies. Particularly when it's a case of suicide. Having had an uncle who shot himself (and this past year, a grandfather), the pain and shock of finding out that someone you love has ended their life so violently is something I get. It's why whatever dark thoughts I have when everything seems hopeless, I know that suicide is something I could never do. Not to the people I love. That day, when we got home from our trip, I lighted some candles in my room and listened to Nevermind with MTV playing silently in the background showing the memorial in Seattle. Probably thousands of people were doing the same thing. Every time I hear "Come as you are" I can't help but hearing the lyric "i swear that i don't have a gun" and bitterly thinking, Fucking liar.

About a week later, Live Through This came out and it was powerful. Yeah, probably more powerful in this new context. Courtney Love shouting in "Violet" - "go on take everything take everything take everything" and in "Asking for it" - "if you live through this with me/i swear that i will die for you" meant something different now and it was like a punch in the stomach. The band's third and final album, Celebrity Skin, was a bit more mainstream and not as interesting as the first two discs and I never listened to Courtney's solo album. Hole still plays on my ipod and oddly enough, I discovered that when I moved I had brought with me all three of my Hole t-shirts. I don't have any Concrete Blonde t-shirts with me at all... but Hole? One day I wore one to work and Impossible Crush noticed it, saying that he had the same t-shirt in college. I haven't worn it since.

next time: look and you'll find that someone wants to love you

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bonus track: dog days are over

2009-09-14T04:22:00.001-04:00

I have to step out here, in the present for a minute to share this link with you to the BBC page for the Mercury Prize Award ceremony performance of Florence + The Machine. Florence was on the Mercury Prize Shortlist for her amazing debut album, Lungs, which is probably the best album I've heard all year. It's available in Europe and on iTunes now, but on October 20th the proper disc will be out in the US. I can't stop listening to it, but what won me over completely was watching that performance of "Dog days are over" at the Mercury Prize ceremony. No exaggeration: Astounding.

I also can't stop watching this video or listening to this song: "Drumming song" is pretty much my favorite song of the year. Anna Ternheim's "What have I done" comes in at a very close second.

The Florence + The Machine official website is here.

That's it. I'll be back tomorrow for a trip to the past!
xoxo
rick

track 38: fuck and run

2009-09-13T21:30:00.000-04:00

I first read about Liz Phair in Interview magazine, which used to be my favorite rag. It was an article called "Folk Music That Will Make You Blush" or something like that. From that point on, I read so many great reviews about her debut, Exile in Guyville that I absolutely had to have it. I couldn't find it in any of my usual haunts. I eventually had to order it from an indie music store that used to be on Bird Road called Yesterday and Today Records. It took forever to get in, but when it finally did, I was in love with it. I'm a big lyrics person, so that's mostly what I connect with initially. Hers were clever and unsentimental and I liked the lo-fi vibe. I remember making a tape of it and playing it in the car on my way to work. My mom said something like, "her voice doesn't seem to be very strong." It's true, Exile sounds like I had recorded something and sang it, but I adored it. For me it was so much about what she was singing. It's a classic album.

I remember at the end of 1993, going back into Specs and seeing a whole shelf of copies. Exile had made many a Best Of list. The next year, I was all a-stalk for her follow up album, Whip-Smart, with the single "Supernova," jump rope chant title track and "Jealousy." Again, I loved it. Her third album, whitechocolatespaceegg was one that had to grow on me. It was a bit more produced than her previous efforts and felt a little less spunky, but in time I grew to cherish it, especially, "polyester bride."

However, I can't say the same for her self-titled disc a couple of years later. I got it when it came out, curious to hear what this mainstreamed version of Liz would sound like. And I'll admit that the singles "Extaordinary" and "Why can't I?" are pop-rock candy of the finest sort. I also really love this ballad, "Little digger," about a kid who is curious about his mother's new boyfriend. It's a really great song. But speaking of spunky, there was a little ditty called "HWC" and that was a deal-breaker. It felt like Phair was trying to be everything to everybody, a hit single sweetheart but also, "hey, remember when I used to curse a lot and talk dirty? I still do..." A lot of the Liz Phair album didn't connect with me and I haven't heard anything she's done since, but the first three discs? Essential.

next time: go on take everything take everything take everything

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track 37: heal it up

2009-09-13T13:00:00.000-04:00

During my days at MDCC, I traveled around on buses a lot. I think I'd do stuff just to get out of the house, which is the complete opposite of the way I am today. Often on Tuesdays, I'd take the bus down to South Miami where I'd pick up new CDs the day they came out at Specs on US-1 and then see a movie at the Riviera movie theatre next door. I remember the most: Deee-Lite's Infinity Within, The Lemonheads Come on Feel the Lemonheads, being insanely excited about buying Return to the Valley of the Go-Go's - a collection of hits, rarities and three new tracks by my beloved Go-Go's! I remember unwrapping The Essential Divinyls before catching My Own Private Idaho for the second time and even seeing Jurassic Park there by myself. Sometimes I'd even skip classes entirely and just go for a movie and a trip to Specs.

However, one Tuesday towered above all the others. October 19, 1993. That was the day that Concrete Blonde's Mexican Moon was coming out. I was terribly excited. I had even got a postcard from their mailing list, The Happy Hermit, saying that a limited number of the CDs would come prepackaged with Dream 6, an EP released in 1983 before taking the name Concrete Blonde. This was like my holy grail. I went into Specs incredibly psyched. You couldn't go too early or else they wouldn't have unpacked everything. But there it was, Mexican Moon! Only no Dream 6! I left and walked down to Dadeland Mall and checked the record stores there.

This was no easy feat. Because my feet were not at ease. Since high school, I had been having recurring problems with my big toe. The toenail kept growing far into my flesh. Somewhere around this time, I had a tiny surgery that resulted in half of my toenail being removed. I remember that it happened to be the same day that Concrete Blonde was performing on "MTV Live" which was a pre-TRL show and I was bummed about A) surgery, hello... and B) missing CB. My stepfather taped it for me (see, not all bad) so I could watch it when I got home. (And then commented during the interview sequence that Harry Rushakoff, the band's drummer "looked like a fairy" so there you go.) Here's a clip of them performing their cover of "Everybody knows" which I'm pretty sure is from that show:

Despite the discomfort of, you know, walking, I walked to Dadeland and none of the stores there had the fabled Mexican Moon - Dream 6 combination. But Mexican Moon was good enough for me. It was another amazing album by my favorite band. I loved the single, "Heal it up" as well as the title track and the beautiful "Rain." Concrete Blonde was always a band who had really great CD singles. I love their b-sides as much as anything else they did. This time they released singles for "Heal it up" and "Mexican moon" that had a cover of Bob Dylan's "Simple twist of fate" and a live version of the Tears for Fears song "Shout" that kicked. ass.

Soon after Mexican Moon, Concrete Blonde broke up. There was a great collection of b-sides called Still in Hollywood and eventually a collection of singles called Recollection. I was absolutely crushed, but the promise of some new projects involving Johnette cheered me up. The first would be a collaboration with Holly Vincent on Mammoth Records that was called Vowel Movement. It was fun enough at the time, but I think that only a couple of songs made their way to my ipod a decade later. Much better was her collaboration with Marc Moreland of Wall of Voodoo, called Pretty & Twisted. They released one self-titled album on Warner Brothers and it was really great, including songs like "¡Ride!" and my favorite, "The highs are too high." She would also combine forces with Jerry Harrison, Chris Frantz and Tina Weymouth of Talking Heads for their No Talking, Just Head album, featuring the original band without David Byrne and a rotating cast of singers. Johnette would be the main singer for their tour. Soon after this, Johnette & CB guitarist Jim Mankey collaborated with a band called Los Illegals for an album called Concrete Blonde y Los Illegals. Word was that it was a one-off thing and that Johnette would release a solo project soon. But for that, we'd have to wait a decade.

(I eventually did get Dream 6 when it was made available for sale through the awesome CD Baby website. It's good early stuff and includes an early version of Mexican Moon's "Rain.")

next time: "i want a boyfriend • i want all that stupid old shit like letters and sodas"

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track 36: Galileo

2009-09-12T21:51:00.001-04:00

Speaking of the Indigo Girls, around the fall of 1993, I joined Evil Columbia House. For one of my free introductory selections, I chose an album by the Indigo Girls called Rites of Passage because I really liked the song "Galileo."

I only played it a couple of times before it went on the rack with other random CDs I never got into. It gathered a lot of dust there.

next time: "feeling the fire under my feet • i was a liar, you were a cheat"

track 35: Santa Fe

2009-09-12T21:03:00.000-04:00

Late 1993 or Early 1994. I was working part-time at Toys R Us and needed to get insurance. I needed a checking account to pay the monthly fees. I wrote my very first check at work to buy a copy of the Disney musical Newsies on VHS. I'd been eying the video for a while, even though all I had heard about the movie was that it was a musical. In fact, it was one of the last big musical movies to be made until Moulin Rouge in 2001. However, there was this guy on the cover...

I loved it. I tracked down the CD soundtrack, which at the time was a bit of a mission. It had yet to become the Gleek cult classic that it is now. My favorite song was Christian Bale's solo, "Santa Fe." When I took an acting class at MDCC, our first assignment was to prepare a song to sing in front of our classmates. I picked "Santa Fe." Which was a nice change from the 900 girls singing "Part of your world" from The Little Mermaid. It's hard to hear that song today without rolling my eyes and grimacing. I even had the Newsies poster on my wall.

But most importantly, I discovered that Christian Bale was not just a cute actor, but an awesome one. I became addicted to watching his films, to the point of interrupting Christmas tradition by going out to see Little Women when it opened on Christmas Day in 1994. I'd become such a huge fan of Christian's that as soon as I got my first computer and hooked up to the internet, one of the first things I did was visit his website, where I met other fans. This is how I ended up meeting Lisa, who became one of my closest friends. (A few years later, we'd actually meet Christian when he appeared at an awards show in Orlando) So picking up that random video because of its cover pretty much changed my life.

The movie also featured a group of actor/dancer/singers who would appear on a great sketch show called "Roundhouse" that followed "Ren & Stimpy" on SNICK! Eventually I'd even start up a webpage for one of these guys, David Sidoni, who became an AOL acquaintance/unrequited crush and went on to host shows for Nickelodeon before becoming a hardworking husband/proud papa.

It was really the first instance of me being a fan of something that led to connections and friendships. I'd experience that a lot once I became involved in the Indigo Girls fan community a few years later.

Click here to read my PICTURES & FRAMES Spotlight on Christian Bale for more of my life as a Balehead.

track 33: music of the night / track 34: all i ask of you

2009-09-12T12:42:00.000-04:00

In the summer of 1993, something very strange happened. How? I don't remember. How did I get turned on to Barbra Streisand? I know that my mom had the Guilty LP and I remember liking it, but that was almost a decade earlier. I also know that this was around the time that Mike Meyers was doing his "like buttah" sketch on SNL. Perhaps I just read a good review of her new album, Back to Broadway and decided I needed to introduce myself to showtunes and be one with the music of my people. Regardless of why, I picked up the CD and was enchanted.

Her voice was gorgeous and the music drew me in completely. I didn't know a lot of the songs she sang, but was intrigued by the stories that they told. As a kid I really loved movie musicals, I remember listening to the soundtracks to Grease and Annie more than I remember seeing the actual movies. But Broadway was a complete unknown to me.

My favorite song from Back to Broadway was a duet with Michael Crawford, "The music of the night." I'm sure that I had heard of Andrew Lloyd Webber and The Phantom of the Opera, but this was the first song I had heard from it and I was quite mesmerized.

[Okay, so in writing this blog I'm adapting something I had written almost a decade ago. I tend to use the stuff I had originally written as a springboard and rewrite. So if something I wrote made me cringe, it usually stays in the past. But it must be noted that at the end of my bit about Back to Broadway and before the bit about Phantom I quoted the following lyrics:
close your eyes
start a journey through a strange new world
leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
close your eyes
let the music set you free...

Right. Cheesy. Let's never speak of it again.]

I soon bought a compilation of Andrew Lloyd Webber music called The Premiere Collection, which opened the floodgates to collecting all the Andrew Lloyd Webber stuff that I could. My very favorite was, of course, The Phantom of the Opera. It was just dark and spooky and wildly romantic enough to be perfect for me. I remember listening to the Sarah Brightman and Cliff Richard version of "All I ask of you" on repeat play. The fact that all of this started to happen during the summer of 1993 was perfect timing, because Phantom was on tour and coming to Miami. I got tickets for my mom and I to see it on November 11, 1993. I found out later that she was really worried that she'd hate it. She loved it. I loved it. It was the beginning of our fandom of musical theatre and over the next few years we would see any Lloyd Webber show that came to South Florida: Cats, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and even got Dave to go with us to see Sunset Boulevard. I don't care what anyone says, I love Sunset Boulevard. We also saw Miss Saigon and of course, eventually, Rent, both on Broadway and on tour. There's something so tremendously exciting about being in the audience for a musical, for any sort of live theatre, actually. It's one of those things that I wish I could have done, being a stage actor. There is an energy, a chemistry between audience and performers, that is unlike anything else I've ever experienced. Raúl Esparza, my future husband, says something that I thought was really profound in the documentary film ShowBusiness: The Road to Broadway. He talks about this small chunk of Manhattan, the Theatre District, and about the fact that every night at 8:00 all of these amazing artists are taking the stage, putting on a show and how it's sort of magical.

When I moved to New York in 2005, I never thought I'd be able to afford to see a Broadway show. Luckily, I've gotten to see a few. Most of them were musicals. Some were just spectacles (Wicked). Some of them had bona-fide Broadway Legends (Patti LuPone in Sweeney Todd) or legends-in-the-making (Kristin Chenoweth in The Apple Tree and Audra McDonald in 110 in the Shade). I loved two so much that I saw them twice. (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and Sunday in the Park with George) One became my favorite new musical and then disappeared (Grey Gardens). Then there were the plays, which I generally chose for the actor starring in them: Julianne Moore & Bill Nighy in The Vertical Hour, Jane Fonda in 33 Variations, Laura Linney in Les Liaisons Dangereuses, Ralph Fiennes & Cherry Jones in Faith Healer, Bradley Whitford in Boeing Boeing, Lee Pace in Guardians and Raúl in Speed-The-Plow.

Regardless of what I'm seeing or the reason why, every time I get to be in the audience for a show, I feel incredibly lucky and completely happy. And all just because I picked up a random Streisand album. When my mom visited around Mother's Day one year, I surprised her with tickets to see Phantom on Broadway. It was such a different experience for me, having gone to these other shows in the city to suddenly be in the Majestic Theatre, which seemed so huge compared to the other theatres I'd been to. The audience was full of tourists wearing t-shirts and shorts and I was astounded to hear people talking through the performance. But even though I'm not the huge Lloyd Webber fan I used to be (I blame discovering Sondheim), I was still hypnotized by the show, the grandeur of the sets - the spectacle. More importantly, my mom was thrilled. I think it's the best gift I've ever given her.

Along with discovering musicals, I was also inspired by Back to Broadway to listen to more Streisand. When I go for something, I tend to go completely, so the next thing I bought was the box set, Just For The Record.... It was a fantastic way to introduce myself to her older music and it guided me towards her early career, when she sang standards and still had a sense of fun to her music. Not to mention leading me to finding one of my all-time favorite films, What's Up, Doc?, a screwball comedy she starred in with Ryan O'Neal and my beloved Madeline Kahn. I even ended up converting my dad into a Streisand lover and whenever we take road trips, her CDs are a must-hear. The studio recordings she's made since Back to Broadway has felt a bit stuffy, too serious. It's only in the live ones that her sense of humor tends to peek out. But let's not even mention Meet the Fockers.

track 32: i should've known

2009-09-11T21:34:00.000-04:00

My love for Aimee Mann's band 'til tuesday had developed about two years after their last album, Everything's Different Now had come out. I wore out my copies of their three albums listening to them over and over again. But there was hope: Aimee Mann was releasing a solo album! It was supposed to be out sometime in 1992. I remember a whole period of time when I was working at Toys R Us, hanging out at Record Bar all the time and constantly keeping an eye on their dry erase board with the list of upcoming releases. I probably asked the employees about it far too much. I was a bit obsessed. 1992 came and went, but no Aimee. Finally, in March of 1993, her solo debut Whatever came out on Imago Records. I - well, I typed "I made" and then backtracked, but let's face it, kids- I made my mom drive me to Specs on Kendall & 117th when she got home from work that Tuesday evening. Actually, I think she was probably going for her walk at Indian Hammocks Park. "Yes, I'll go walk with you, we just Have. To. Go. To. Specs!" I don't think it was considered a major release, so they had only unloaded the cassettes so far. Not the CD? No, the cassettes. I got it anyway and got the CD a while later. Aimee was worth it. And she totally was, Whatever was pop rock heaven. Nothing compared to the great single, "I should've known" and "say anything" was fantastic.

The album got really good reviews and it wasn't long before the news that she would have another solo album soon. And then the record company went out of business. She eventually released I'm With Stupid through Geffen Records and I was there to buy it as soon as I could. It was even better than the first album and the first single got played on "Melrose Place." One of Aimee's most beautiful songs ever, "Amateur" comes from this album. It's a song I really liked at the time, but would later come to really appreciate and identify with, during my experience about 4 years later with The Boy Who Broke My Heart. Aimee Mann was still my drug of choice.

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track 31: full moon, empty heart

2009-09-11T14:27:00.000-04:00

In November of 1992, I got a seasonal job at Toys R Us. It was the same store I had gone to as a kid, buying G.I. Joe toys with my allowance week after week. A bit later, I'd buy combination He-Man: Masters of the Universe and She-Ra: Princess of Power toys. It was okay for a boy to buy them because it was all part of the same universe!! So I told myself. I was a cashier and it was crazy. But fun. We were open till midnight from Thanksgiving through Christmas and the end of the night was spent re-shopping merchandise back to their proper shelves. I really liked it and was disappointed on December 31st, when I found out that the seasonal job was over.

Fortunately, in the spring of 1993, I got a phone call from one of the managers asking if I'd like to come back full-time. I began working as a cashier again. For a while I had to split shifts as a janitor, after one of the regular ones won the Fantasy Five. I had actually agreed to this. They asked me first. I thought it would be a week or so. It ended up being a month and a half. I remember one particular manager (that I didn't like very much in the first place) giving me a hard time one night when he asked me to mop something up and I didn't know how. I always vacuumed at home! One responsibility was bringing the shopping carts abandoned in the parking lot back inside. It sucked, but it really taught me to be respectful and aware of my actions when I'm anywhere outside. I dutifully return my cart to the holding pens and I understand that the maintenance workers have to deal with a lot of unnecessary crap and deserve respect. Especially because as amazing as it seems considering that their clientele is mostly parents with messy screaming kids, Toys R Us was the cleanest place I've ever worked at. The things that happen at a bookstore, some of the things I have seen and heard, are unbelievable and would never have happened at the toy store. :::shudder::: Anyway, one day I broke down, while trying to empty a garbage can from the front of the store. It was overflowing and heavy and the bag ripped. I sat down and cried and then went home early. Soon after this, they hired a new janitor and I think as a bonus for being such a dedicated good sport, I ended up manning the customer service desk. I helped out with returns, customer orders, cashier problems. I had a key. It was pretty awesome. Eventually I'd end up doing the morning cash reports and deposits and then moving to the "Security" section, which was my favorite part of the job: I was the guy in the video game booth! I got to play my radio (quietly) and take care of receiving and inventory for high-priced stuff like game systems and software, collectible Barbies and the pricier r/c cars. I spent about 1/4 of my time out on the actual sales floor. It. Was. Awesome. I worked at Toys R Us for exactly five years and two weeks.

Anyway, back when I was but a simple cashier, in the spring of 1993, I visited the mall during my lunch breaks and ate in the food court or visited the music store. I remember quite vividly being in Record Bar and flipping through the stacks to buy Belly's Star album and the Safari EP by The Breeders (which Tanya Donelly was a part of at the time). Both "Safari" and Belly's "Feed the tree" were staples of whatever MTV show I watched at the time, maybe "120 Minutes" or something. I fell hard for the Breeders and liked a couple of songs from Star.

Once again, it isn't until Belly's next album, King came out that I became such a huge fan. I couldn't stop listening to them and remember playing "Super-connected" over and over and over again. I went on a mad search for all things Belly, which was a fruitful one as they had some of the best EPs you could imagine. I loved the Moon EP with its remixes of one of my favorite Belly songs, "Full moon, empty heart." Their albums also had the most gorgeous artwork, mostly done by drummer Chris Gorman, whose brother Tom played guitar and actually created my favorite Moon mix.

Once they broke up it would be a few years before lead singer/songwriter Tanya Donelly would release her solo album Lovesongs for Underdogs, which was my favorite album of 1997. I adored "Pretty deep" and "Mysteries of the unexplained." I tagged "Clipped" as the song that would play over the final credits of the movie I was starting to write in my mind at the time, Birdwatching.

I've faithfully followed Donelly's career since then, from Beautysleep to This Hungry Life, her most recent disc. Aside from Lovesongs the one that I wish everyone could listen to and love as much as I do is 2004's Whiskey Tango Ghosts. It is the sort of album I wish I could have written and sang as my own. Beautiful.

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track 30: rain

2009-09-11T12:55:00.000-04:00

1992 was a big year for Madonna fans. That summer, she appeared in Penny Marshall's film A League of Their Own (with one of my personal favorites, Lori Petty!) and sang the song "This used to be my playground" on its soundtrack. In Miami, we were all abuzz with the news that she was buying a mansion on the bay, just houses down from Miami's beautiful Vizcaya House. (Always my favorite place to go on field trips.) When the Miami Herald published the news, along with the address, my friend Diana and I drove down just to drive past the house (okay, a couple of loops) in awe. Awful.

In October, she was the Queen of all media, with the release of her first proper album in 3 years, Erotica, through her own boutique label, Maverick, and days later, the publication of her naughty book of photography, Sex. On October 20, the day the album was released, my dad actually drove me to South Miami, where we had breakfast at Denny's and then went to Specs music store, where I bought Erotica. I didn't listen to it until I was on my own, though. I remember really liking it and I have especially always loved "Rain."

The book was a trickier purchase. It was $50 and I was still saving up my lunch money and allowance while going to classes at MDCC. I wasn't working yet; A month later, I would get my job at Toys R Us. But there it was, October and I had no money. I was a devoted Madonna fan and I needed to pay for Sex!! I became desperate. I take a handful of my least listened to CDs to sell them at the used music store. Paula Abdul's Spellbound and Skid Row's Slave to the Grind okay fine, but INXS Kick and X?? U2's Achtung Baby? Clearly I was insane. Surely something was affecting my judgement and making me sell these actually good albums for a book by Madonna!?!? Gay gene? I think yes. I even considered (and frankly, attempted) pawning a camera I got for a photography class in high school that I could never get the hang of using. Finally, I had enough. And the bookstore is sold out. All the bookstores are sold out, this book is like gold!! I order a copy. It's literally less than a week before they get more in and on Saturday, my mom drives me down to pick up my copy. A little old lady working at the store rings me up, takes my dirty U2/INXS stained blood money and says, "I hope you enjoy Sex."

It's at home in Miami on a shelf somewhere. It's a pretty cool book, although the metal covers + spiral binding does not = look at this book often. I'd never buy it today. Whenever I see anyone on Facebook or Myspace or back in the day, OKCupid, list it as one of their favorite books, I immediately check them off as a person I can't be friends with. I'm not sure what that says about me.

track 29: hello cruel world

2009-09-10T20:19:00.000-04:00

It was the summer of 1992, my hair was dyed black and one of my favorite musicians, Tori Amos, was playing a shoe at the Carefree Theatre in West Palm Beach for her Little Earthquakes tour on August 16. It would be a while before Tori would be playing at giant arenas. I wanted desperately to see her play and my Mom and Dave agreed to go with me since, quite frankly, I didn't have any friends. Or at least any who'd be interested in going. Actually, no, no friends. No job, either. I went in for an interview some place and ended up spending two days canvassing Homestead with a group of environmental activists campaigning to save the Everglades. I had very little idea what I was doing with them and it was obvious after the second day when they said, "maybe not." Anyway, we decided to make a weekend out of it, driving up, seeing the show, staying in a hotel and heading back the next day. It was a huge bonus for me because it meant a weekend away from home and the stepfather.

Once there, we find the theatre, which is a small place, about the size of my high school's auditorium. Maybe a bit larger, but not much. Inside, there are a couple of guys passing out cassettes, samplers of the opening act. It wasn't until the opening act took the stage that I realized that the guys at the door were up there: A man with the unlikely name of Parthenon Huxley and a man called E.

I think his band consisted of him (on a keyboard, looking on at Tori's piano with envy), Parthenon and maybe one other guy. He played a set of melodic pop that was both funny and heartbreaking all at once. A lot like my life. Audience members shouted out requests at one point, one of them being "Have you never been mellow?" E was great, though and my mom & Dave liked him a lot more than Tori. The next day, on our way out of town, we stop at a Peaches record store and pick up the cassette of A Man Called E, which becomes one of my favorite albums ever.

hello cruel world
so this is you
a broken heart
but with a view
i'm looking out to face another day
the angry mob
the happy mass
this birthday cake
may be the last
i'm looking out to find another way
Norman Rockwell colors fade
all my favorite things have changed
but what the hell
hello cruel world

It was love at first taste and I completely identified with E's outlook, "Fitting in the with the misfits," "Are you and me gonna happen" and "You'll be the scarecrow" are constants in my ipod. I even wrote him a fan letter and in it wrote something like "thank you for NOT playing 'Have you never been mellow'!" He responded with an autographed photo that said "Rick- Have U never been mellow? -E." which to this day is taped to my wall at home.

One week after the show, Hurricane Andrew was on its way to Miami. Everyone was hunkering down for the worst. I remember the last thing I did before the storm hit was shave my head. My hair was down to my shoulders, which made the awful heat worse than it was already, and like I said, dyed black. When I tried to re-color it red, I ended up with red roots and... black hair. Tried to bleach it and got this insane rainbow effect. Shaving my head was the only solution. Then August 24th Andrew hits Miami. Luckily, our house was fine. Our neighborhood is powerless for a few days, trees are down but nothing too awful. My stepfather's cousins, who lived in Homestead, where the storm hit the hardest, completely lost their house. We take them in and all live together for a few months.

When E's second album, Broken Toy Shop came out, I picked it up immediately, stupidly on cassette. If anyone out there wants to drop $100 for a copy from amazon, I'll send you my mailing address! Then he disappears for a while, only to resurface in 1996 as the leader of a band called The Eels, singing "Novocaine for the soul" on MTV. I get their debut, Beautiful Freak and don't like it much. I like Electro-Shock Blues somewhat more and keep compulsively buying their music for years despite never really loving it. Until I'm in my 30s, living in New York and my flatmate gives me a promo of their best of collection, Meet the Eels and the rarities album, Useless Trinkets. Maybe listening to the music with an older, more experienced pair of ears allowed me to really understand it, to connect more. But it connected deeply and I've rediscovered a lot of the older Eels songs since.

Reading E's (ok Mark Oliver Everett's) book, Things the Grandchildren Should Know this year really made me an eternal fan. Once again, his ability to combine humor and sadness is something I admire and even identify with. I connected to that book in a way that in turn allowed me to make an even deeper connection with the music. I had always wondered how E had gone from A Man Called E to "Novocaine for the soul." I think get it now. Ha.

Click here to see the video for my favorite Eels track, "Last stop: this town"!

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liner notes: this is my life and it's nice to be able to wade in it...

2009-09-10T13:32:00.000-04:00

"Tuesday night I reorganized my record collection. I often do this at periods of emotional stress. There are some people who would find this a pretty dull way to spend an evening, but I'm not one of them. This is my life, and it's nice to be able to wade in it, immerse your arms in it, touch it." -Nick Hornby, High Fidelity

Just a quick note to say that I'm totally open to feedback. If you're out there, if anyone is reading this... Is it pointless to add links to Amazon for MP3s when pretty much everyone would much rather use iTunes? More videos? More salacious personal details? Regardless, I hope people are enjoying this blog because even if I have no audience, I'm going to keep this up. It's enlightening and even comforting to revisit these old memories and hopefully share music with others... If you do like what you see, please check out a website I help run, pop culture crazed Pictures and Frames Magazine.

xxoo
rick

track 28: ghost of a texas ladies man b/w someday?

2009-09-10T11:45:00.000-04:00

Spring of 1992. I'm at Sound Warehouse (WHY do I want to type "Sound Wherehouse" every time?? Can I get some confirmation on this? It was on Kendall Drive and is now a Bed Bath & Beyond...) with my dad, browsing. The way that I do. At this point I am still in school, but unemployed. The previous fall, I had what I now know to be THE GREATEST JOB EVER. In fact, now that I think about it, I may have been back during that spring, I'm not sure. The job was simple, customer-free and I could listen to music the whole time. You know when you're in school and you have the whole fundraising thing where you get catalogs and try to sell stuff- usually Christmas or Easter time- tins with candy or stuffed animals, etcetera? My job was going through the order sheets, finding the merchandise in the warehouse and filling up bags and boxes properly. Another plus? There were like three employees and two of them were friends of my mom, which is how I got the job. It was fun at the time, but in retrospect, total bliss and a piece of cake. But sadly, a seasonal gig.

Anyway, if I wasn't picking up Easter shifts there, I was either saving my allowance or saving up my lunch money by eating snack machine food. At the music store, I see the CD single for a new Concrete Blonde song called "Ghost of a Texas ladies' man." And I think "meh" (only not because that word wasn't in usage yet) because if you read my entry about "Joey", you may recall that I wasn't so crazy about Bloodletting. However, it also has their cover of "Everybody knows" on it. I had the soundtrack to the film Pump Up the Volume on cassette and loved that song. I buy it. I find myself really liking "Ghost." I also like the remix of "Bloodletting (the vampire song)." And their cover of Nick Cave's "The ship song." In fact, I like it all. I give another listen to Bloodletting and find myself enjoying it more than before.

Cut to March 10, 1992. I'm out at Dadeland Mall with my mom, Dave & his friend Nick. We browse through another music store and right at the front, in the new releases and just out that day is Walking in London. I buy it and... I LOVE IT. From the single to "Someday?" and "Long time ago" the whole album just rocks. It becomes all I listen to. I go out and find the two earlier albums, Concrete Blonde and what would end up being my very favorite CB album, Free. There was just something about Johnette Napolitano's voice, the stories she told in her songs, that suddenly clicked with me.

After that, Concrete Blonde has always been one of my favorite bands. My very favorite bands, up there with Bic Runga, Travis, Indigo Girls and Aimee Mann/'til tuesday. Not just, "oh I love them." I LOVE them. I had to have anything I could find by them, every single, every rarity. T-shirts? Yes please! Baseball cap? Uh-huh. I even wanted to get a tattoo of the sun/moon art that graces the cover of Free and Walking in London. But I never got to see them play. The album after London would be their last (for a long while) as they went their separate ways. Which is why it always kills me that in high school, when Kristi and I were going to go see Sting, with Concrete Blonde opening, we changed our minds and saw Slaughter and Poison instead. WHY??!?!?!?? Since then, I've followed Johnette's career through the many projects she worked on in between Concrete Blonde and her eventual solo album, Scarred.

It's interesting to me that a band who I had shrugged off a year earlier, could suddenly become my biggest obsession. What's funny is that it would happen again. A couple of times, most recently with singer/songwriter Regina Spektor. But the next time it happened on a much bigger scale.

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track 27: silent all these years

2009-09-09T12:55:00.001-04:00

Another morning getting ready for school, in the spring of 1992, I catch a music video and am struck by how different it is; Different sort of song, different sort of video, different sort of girl. Not as conventionally pretty as the usual MTV girl. Pale, with red curly hair and singing a song accompanied only by piano called “Silent all these years.” That was my first taste of Tori Amos.

Soon I picked up the cassette single on an outing with my dad. Oddly enough, I also picked up the single for “hit” by the Sugarcubes that day, my first taste of Björk! I liked Tori more. At the time I probably identified somewhat with the song. I had a stepfather that I didn't like, who could be kind of a dick (I got the antichrist in the kitchen yelling at me again), so in a way I think I spent a lot of my time on tiptoe trying to avoid any interaction with him and keeping my frustrations to myself (my scream got lost in a paper cup/think there's a heaven where some screams have gone?) and so I spent a lot of time writing and discovering ways to express my thoughts on paper rather than out loud (sometimes i hear my voice and it's been here/silent all these years). So one day rode the bus(es) down to South Beach to visit a record store I’d gone to once with Raul and Michelle. It was called Uncle Sam’s Music Café. Music store/café? Cool. I went there hoping to find Little Earthquakes and succeeded.

I remember playing it when I got home. It felt amazing. It felt the way I did when I discovered Sinéad O’Connor and later on, Joni Mitchell’s Blue. It seemed as thought this singer/songwriter had actually gone further than any of the ones I knew, bared even more of her soul. I connected with her music so immediately and became devoted to her at once. Her next two albums, Under the Pink and Boys for Pele are the sort of albums I impatiently rushed out to buy on the days of their release. As time went on, Tori’s music has gotten a bit loopier and I’ve found myself being a fan more of her individual songs than complete albums. However the first three discs are a part of me forever.

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b-side: hit

2009-09-09T12:25:00.001-04:00

On the day I bought the single for "Silent all these years" I also picked up one for a song called "Hit" by Icelandic band The Sugarcubes. I was crazy about the song and played it over and over again. The b-side, called "Thief" not so much. What I didn't know at the time was that it was my first exposure to one of the few contemporary musicians I now consider to be a bona fide genius: Björk.

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track 26: big sky country

2009-09-08T18:30:00.001-04:00

In the fall of 1991, my mom, Dave and I went to the Miami Seaquarium for a music festival. "Snake" of Skid Row would be there, signing autographs, and Julian Lennon would be there, too. Unfortunately, it wasn't made clear that Julian wasn't performing and there were some pretty pissed off people literally heckling him as he signed.

I don't remember anything much about the musicians who actually played, other than this guy who got up on stage and sang these bluesy rock songs, Chris Whitley.. He was this insanely skinny guy, singing these gorgeous, sort of mournful almost country-ish songs up on stage and I was totally transifxed. I even talked to him after his set and asked to get a picture with him. Dork.

A few months later, for Christmas, I received a copy of his album, Living with the Law. My Favorite song off of the album was "Big sky country." I also loved "Kick the stones" and "Poison girl." His music was more new territory for me. I had never heard of his most likely precursor, Stevie Ray Vaughn, or anything blues related before. My singer/songwriter tastes tended more towards female singers, and it would be another year or so before Jeff Buckley would appear with "Last goodbye" to sweep me off of my feet. Living with the Law is definitely another one of the albums I appreciate more as I grow older. Oddly enough, I never listened to any of his other albums, despite the fact that he continued recording and to great critical acclaim.

Chris Whitley passed away quite unexpectedly in 2005 and I remember finding out when I went to Academy Records on 18th street in Manhattan. They had an article taped to their front door about Chris passing away (and another for someone else who'd recently died). It was hard to believe he could have died- he was only 45 years old. Here's a video of him performing "Big sky country" in 2002:

Here's a link to the 1991 music video for "Big sky country" in which Chris looks just as I remembered him at the show.

And then there is this, which is just uncomfortable from start to finish... In 1991, Chris appeared on Arsenio Hall's show to sing the song and was introduced by Sinbad. The introduction is so awkward and Chris looks a bit bewildered to be there at all.

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track 25: love... thy will be done b/w gett off

2009-09-08T11:54:00.000-04:00

In the fall of 1991, I started going to school at MDCC. I took pretty general classes, with a slight focus on English. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. All I really wanted to do was keep writing. I began to take public transportation for the first time. Unlike New York City's mostly reliable transit system, Miami's was a real mess. The buses were unreliable, few and far between. It was only two to get to MDCC and the timing for the transfer was pretty good, unlike years later, when I worked at Barnes & Noble in Kendall and often got to the first stop five minutes after my second bus left, leaving me stranded for another hour. So in the mornings, after I was all ready and waiting to go out for my bus, I'd often have the TV set on. At some point, it would be on AMC- back when they showed truly classic movies. That was how I discovered one of my favorite movies ever, Private Lives, the film that introduced me to my beloved Norma Shearer. But I think that was a little later and I'm not sure what triggered my desire to watch old movies. At this point, it was still MTV or VH1, which is what I was watching one morning when I caught the video for a new song by my old favorite, Martika.

I guess it was sometime later that week, but I think I had to stop by Kendall Town & Country for something for my stepfather and while I was there went to the music store (Record Bar? Tracks?) and bought the cassette single, since the album, Martika's Kitchen wasn't even out yet. I became utterly addicted to the song. Soon enough, I got the complete album and listened to that all time, too.

The new album was a bit more sophisticated sounding than Martika's debut. There was just as much pop goodness, but it felt a bit less fluffy. Although at the time, I was just like, "More Martika!!" but today I can admire the cleverness of the title track, the call to home of "Mi tierra" and yes, I can even own up to the fact that some of the songs are a little too ambitious and don't exactly work. I love it nonetheless. Several songs on the album were collaborations with Prince, who I had never really been a fan of at that point, despite the fact that one of his proteges, Sheila E had made an album I loved called Romance 1600. However, at the time he had just performed "Gett off" at some MTV awards show and his disc Diamonds and Pearls was out. Encouraged by the music he made with Martika, I picked up the new album and found myself really liking it.

Despite having loved music my whole life, I think it was probably listening to Prince that I started to really pay attention to the way music was produced. Of course Prince adds lots of amazing and interesting layers to his work and I found myself really loving the pop funk of "Thunder" and "Daddy Pop," I still can't say I'm crazy about the title track, despite being able to sing along to every word. While I never became a hardcore Prince fan, this all led to my discovery of some of his older music and for a few years, I followed his career. Meanwhile, Martika never released another solo album. A few years back when vile Eminem sampled her hit "Toy soldiers" for one of his songs, Sony put out a greatest hits compilation (and only Sony could pull of releasing "best of" albums for artists like Martika, Jeff Buckley or The Fugees who only ever had two proper albums!) that features an excellent Prince remix of "Love... thy will be done." Martika spent some years out of the spotlight but has recently gone on to create music with her husband, Michael Mozart, under the name Oppera.

track 24: the wheel

2009-09-08T02:08:00.000-04:00

In the late summer of 1991 after my graduation and having healed enough to get off the crutches, I went on vacation with my brother, Dave and our dad. We drove up to Georgia where we visited my Aunt Charlotte and Uncle Bill as well as spending sometime at the home of our friends the Forbes on beautiful Lake Burton. We went whitewater rafting, which was insanely fun. While driving through the Blue Ridge and the Smoky Mountains, we'd take turns playing music. I always had to choose music that I thought my dad wouldn't mind (clearly Madonna was out) that wasn't "too weird" for him. I figured one good choice would be Edie Brickell & New Bohemians. I had their cassette, Shooting Rubberbands at the Stars, which I had gotten because of their single "What I am." I really loved their music, especially "Circle" which is an all-time favorite song. (Blog drinking game, every time you read that something is an "all-time favorite song" take a shot!) It's lyrics are still really personal to me today:

being alone is the best way to be
when i'm by myself it's the best way to be
when i'm all alone it's the best way to be
when i'm by myself nobody else can say
Me, i'm a part of your circle of friends
and we notice you don't come around...

However, the song that reminds me of this trip is actually "The wheel" with it's chorus that went:
the wheel keeps on turning and turning and turning and
nothing's disturbing the way it goes around
the wheel keeps on turning and turning and turning and
nothing's disturbing the way it goes around...
It made us all laugh as we rode through the winding and curvy, twisting and turning road through the mountains.

The band's second album, Ghost of a Dog was one of the first albums I bought for myself on CD. I hadn't heard one song from it, but loved their debut so much that I knew I couldn't go wrong. It's true. I enjoyed that album as much as the first, especially the amazing "He said" and "Woyaho," which I remember singing along to as I played the song on my Discman in the back of my stepfather's truck as we were on a trip somewhere with poor Dave forced to listen to me sing along.

Edie's first solo album, Picture Perfect Morning was beautiful and laid back and the title track? Another all-time favorite.

and when my plane flew through the rain
it shook the wings and people screamed
but i was so sure that i'd see you again
i was not afraid of anything

I didn't get into her Volcano album much and still haven't heard her reunion with New Bohemians from a few years back, Stranger Things but the first two discs are always going to be in heavy rotation.

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liner notes: the voice at the other end comes like a long-lost friend

2009-09-06T02:18:00.000-04:00

so listening to my ipod today and Bessie Smith is in the rotation- Careless Love Blues? One of the best songs ever.
Anyway, I start thinking about this amazing technology that allows me to carry thousands of songs with me, thinking about the fact that I’m listening to a woman singing in 1925. Thinking about the fact that 84 years ago when Bessie sang this song just the invention of the phonograph was audacious and radical. She could never have imagined that what she was doing would one day be... I dunno, digitized, compartmentalized, magically put into something the size of my hand and that someone like me would be walking around listening to it. That's just cool, but what's more interesting is: did she even suspect that 80 years down the line, long after she'd passed on, people would still be listening to her? Or that her songs would have such a powerful affect on us? How could she know that the blues she sang for a phonograph recording would one day be traveling through headphones, giving me words of comfort and understanding?
I read this book that Emily Saliers of the Indigo Girls wrote with her father, Don Saliers: A Song to Sing, A Life to Live: Reflections on Music as Spiritual Practice. Granted, I’m a meathead, so for the most part it was too philosophical for me. I’m really no good when it comes to thinking about abstract ideas. But some of it really resonates- Like this quote from Emily: "Anyone who struggles with love and suffering and searches for the mystery ends up singing- or at least listening to music." It's so true for me and I’m so grateful that someone recorded Bessie Smith in 1925 and that when I listen to her, she still exists, singing songs that may have been written before my Granny was born, but still seem as though someone looked into my own soul and wrote about what they saw. To me that's one of the few examples of real magic, the few ways that I can possibly explain what music means to me, why it has always been and will continue to be my one true love.
-rick
*they published your diary and that's how I got to know you
key to the room of your own and a mind without end
here's a young girl on a kind of a telephone line through time
the voice at the other end comes like a long-lost friend* -Indigo Girls, "Virginia Woolf"

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track 23: my side of the bed / track 24: the end of the innocence

2009-09-05T12:41:00.000-04:00

I graduated high school in 1991. After graduation, a group of my family and friends went to Bennigan's for some lunch. I had also had a graduation party at home one day. My mom gave me a word processor as a graduation gift. I had been writing stories since junior high school, taken creative writing classes and planned to major in English. At this point in time, I thought of myself as a poet. Some of my poems had been published in our school's literary magazine, the name of which escapes me. There are two that I remember particularly: One was about civil rights and incorporated lines from Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech. The other was inspired by Neil Gaiman's Sandman comics, which I had recently started to get into, despite having bought the first issue when it came out 3 or 4 years earlier and not liking it. (I was expecting a book about Hector Hall, the character who went from being Silver Scarab to Sandman in Infinity, Inc.) Eventually something I wrote inspired by his Mad Hattie character would actually get published in the letters section of Sandman. My word processor inspired a flurry of activity, short stories and poems by the dozen. Whether or not they were any good remains to be seen. (I just found a bunch. I'll tell you later.) Mostly, I think they would be decent song lyrics, especially since later my writing was influenced by music more than anything. From Hole to Natalie Merchant's lyrics for 10,000 Maniacs and even later to singer/songwriter Dan Bern, I tended to copy the style of others. I tried to find these two poems, but they aren't on my computer. Lots of later stuff about unrequited love and broken hearts, though. The funny thing is that I think I was always writing song lyrics and not poetry. I don't even like poetry!

Anyway, my other graduation gift was a ticket to see Don Henley and more importantly (for me), Susanna Hoffs. She had just released her first solo album, When You're a Boy. Having been a fan of the Bangles, although a casual sort of "I have their greatest hits and A Different Light" kind of fan, I was excited to hear her solo stuff, and in fact liked When You're a Boy better than either of my Bangles albums. For years, I only had the album on cassette, until last Christmas, when my brother tracked down a copy on CD for me. He had actually loved it just as much as I did, and already had it on disc. When I played it, I couldn't believe that I still knew it by heart after all this time. Don Henley was touring for his excellent album The End of the Innocence, which had been a pretty big hit for him at the time. For me it's another one of those albums that I knew was good at the time, but only really understand how fantastic it is as I grow older. It was such an odd pairing, but I guess they were both members of popular bands who had gone solo. And possibly had the same album cover designers?

There were four tickets and I was taking my brother, David, my friend Diana and her sister, Alex. Then on the day after my graduation, I cut open the back of my ankle. With a door. The door to our house was heavy and metal. When you opened it, you took a step up. I had gone outside on a rainy and very windy day. While my right foot was up on the step and my left foot was still on the ground, a gust of wind tried to slam the door shut and succeeded in slicing the back of my ankle open. We called my stepfather's mom, Wilma, who took me to the ER, where I got stitched up.

So on June 20, 1991, when we went to the Miami Arena, with it's insane amount of stairs- stairs to get in to the building and stairs to get to our seats in the stands - I was on crutches. I think my mom must have made a call to the stadium to find out what to do and when we got there, Dave & I were separated from Diana & Alex and went through the handicapped entrance. We then got to sit in the special area full of older guys in wheelchairs. I don't know why, but I always imagined they were Vietnam vets, but more likely, old hippies who loved The Eagles. One guy in a wheelchair next to us was smoking pot and I'm pretty sure he offered some to David. Who was like 12 at the time. The bright side was that we had an excellent view of the show.

While I never listened to much of Don Henley's other stuff, I remember getting Susanna's second solo album, Susanna Hoffs. It didn't grab me as much as her first, but one of the tracks, "Beekeepers blues" is one of my all-time favorite songs; the kind I will play and play again and again and again until I realize that I've been listening to the same song for half an hour. Now she and Matthew Sweet have begun making cover albums of songs from the 60s and 70s. Here are some good CDs. Also check out some of the MP3s, especially Susanna's cover of Cyndi Lauper's "Unconditional love" - a very underrated song!

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track 22: half a world away

2009-09-04T22:11:00.000-04:00

In the spring of 1991, R.E.M. had a monumental hit with the song "Losing my religion" from their album Out of Time. I had known them only because of their great song "Stand," which had been popular a couple of years ago. But "Losing my religion" (with it's accompanying video directed by Tarsem Singh) was one of the first big songs to cross over from college stations to popular ones, really one of the first songs that brought "alternative music" out into the daylight (which would continue when Nirvana showed up a year later).

I remember hearing the song on the radio during the last spring break of my high school years. Kristi and I drove up to her family's home in Troy, Alabama, where she was going to college at Troy State University. I was visiting the school and had an interview in the hopes of getting some kind of scholarship there. I don't really know what I was thinking, I guess it was about just wanting to go away with my friend and even though I was admitted, I didn't go to Troy State. My mom gave me like $200 for the whole trip, which was more than enough. The first night we were in Alabama, we went to some midnight sale at this mall with her family. Before midnight, we walked the mall and I dropped half of my vacation money in the music store. I think I bought like five CDs, but mostly remember getting Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation, Siouxsie & the Banshees' Peepshow and an album by a country singer I really liked, Lorrie Morgan, called Something in Red. My tastes had gone from teenage pop to hair bands to full on eclectic. That night, I also bought a book called The Diary of Laura Palmer, this Twin Peaks based novel that was supposed to be Laura's real diary. In fact, it was written by David Lynch's daughter, Jennifer Lynch, who went on to write and direct the terrible movie Boxing Helena and more recently, Surveillance. I remember on the way back to their house, Kristi's brother was giving me a hard time about it & told his mom that there are two whole pages where it's just a list of guys that Laura Palmer had sex with. I denied it. He was right.

Aside from the college visit, the week was pretty low-key. We hung out with Kristi's relatives, rented movies (Child's Play) and I dyed my hair red. When we got back, I think it was the day before Easter. My mom was still putting out our Easter baskets, filled with candy & some random gifts back then, so on Easter Sunday, I had a copy of Out of Time in my basket. It was another eye-opening album, followed by my discovery of the band's earlier collection, Eponymous. I listened to these albums all the time, wrote a short story called "Can't Get There From Here" inspired by the title of one of the band's songs, and even set it in a city called Rockville after my favorite R.E.M. song, "Don't go back to Rockville." And I had this poster on my wall:

The next year when their gorgeous Automatic For The People album was released, I was there on the first day to get my copy. It was even better than Out of Time, beautiful and sad... In fact, it might have been one of those albums that is so perfect that whatever comes next just never had a chance. At least, it was for me. Monster never caught my ear, nor has most of the stuff they've recorded since, so I've sort of... stayed out of time, if you will, and stuck with that particular phase of R.E.M.

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bonus track: single girls

2009-09-04T12:39:00.000-04:00

I first heard about singer/songwriter Laura Jansen through another great singer/songwriter, Beth Thornley. They're both part of LA's Hotel Cafe music scene. Laura has a new EP called Single Girls (available on itunes!) and has just released this gorgeous new video for the title track. You should definitely check it out. Also the video for my favorite LJ song, "Bells" is a must-see.

track 21: Joey

2009-09-04T00:41:00.000-04:00

I had seen the video for Concrete Blonde's single, "Joey," on MTV and really liked it. I had the cassette single, which also featured a b-side called "I want you" (that was later played in the film Point Break as Keanu Reeves watched Lori Petty from a distance. Lucky girl...) I loved both songs and really wanted their album, Bloodletting.

Around this time, Sting was on tour and Concrete Blonde was opening for him in Miami. Kristi and I were thinking about going, because she liked Sting & I liked "Joey." Then a Slaughter/Poison or some such pairing was announced and we decided to go to that one instead. At the end of the year, my family went up to Ocala to visit my Granny for New Year's Eve. She always gave us cash on our birthdays & sometimes for Christmas, so on the way home from Ocala, I think I pestered my mom so much that we stopped at Sound Warehouse before even going to our house! I bought Bloodletting and... I didn't like it that much.

...to be continued about 8 songs from here. For now, check out the video for "Joey" on YouTube!
Also, listen to "I want you" while gazing at Keanu's beauty:

track 20: freedom [back to reality mix]

2009-09-03T11:29:00.000-04:00

In the early version of my autobiographical mix tape, this is the start of a new chapter, the second disc of the box set in my head. It was called 1990-1993: An Addiction Is Born. Because, as I mentioned, for my 17th birthday, I was given my first CD player. It was a portable player with a tape deck and a radio. It was just as thrilling to me as getting my first MP3 player years later. On my birthday that year, I got a bunch of great CDs: Sinéad's I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got and The Lion and the Cobra, 'til tuesday's Everything's Different Now, Tracy Chapman and, from my dad's friend Linda, The Go-Go's Greatest.

But really, my first CD was the single for George Michael's song "Freedom."

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My birthday is on December 12th, so in addition to shopping for that, everyone's going all crazy looking for Christmas presents, too. My dad always needed a hand at the mall, so usually, he'd take me or my brother on these trips with him. Usually, Linda would come alone and we'd go to Cutler Ridge Mall (which is a neighborhood in the southern region of Miami) because it was usually the least crowded.

I had asked for a CD player and was hoping it's what I'd get. However, I have to confess, I spied Linda buying that Go-Go's album and that's when I knew I was definitely getting it. So I secretly bought the "Freedom" single.

The first time I played it was on my dad's roommate's player after school one day. I'm not sure if it actually had the original recording, but it did have a great b-side called "Fantasy" and the [back to reality mix] Which. Is. AWESOME. At the time I flipped out because he was sampling (which was sorta new then) from Soul II Soul's "Back to life," Neneh Cherry's "Buffalo stance" and Sinéad O'Connor's "I am stretched on your grave." It wasn't until like 15 years later, working at Barnes & Noble when I heard that familiar piece of music and realized that Sinéad had sampled the drum solo from a James Brown song called "Funky drummer" - but that dizzying string bit from Sinéad's song was there as well, so who knows. It wasn't only the beginning of my CD addiction, but a long phase where I was crazy about singles & remixes- but only the sort of remixes that deconstruct a song and turn it into something amazing and new. I was bored with a simple extended dance remix, but something like this one... well, listen for yourself: Here's a video someone edited together to the remix. It's better if you close your eyes and simply listen.

To this day, hearing the original version of "Freedom 90" is a little jarring to me, because this is the one that I adore. I think I got the full length album Listen Without Prejudice, vol. 1 for Christmas and it was quite beautiful. It's even the sort of album that I think I appreciate more with time than I did when I was a 17 year old high school student. George's subsequent albums have had good moments, but usually left me cold. I remember liking his first solo album, Faith a lot when I had it on cassette. But Listen Without Prejudice is simply a perfect record.

track 19: (believed you were) lucky

2009-09-02T01:02:00.000-04:00

Of all the ways that Michelle & Raul inspired me to expand my musical horizons, nothing was as big and lasting as the fact that they introduced me to the music of Aimee Mann and her band 'til tuesday. Of course I knew the band's big hit single from 1985, "Voices carry," but that was literally all I knew of 'til tuesday. However, Raul was quite obsessed with the band and played their music all the time. At least once a day when we'd hang out, we'd hear a bit of 'til tuesday. If not their music, then probably a reference to seeing them in concert. There was their debut, Voices Carry, a very 80s sounding album with that title track highlight, and the beautiful "You know the rest." Then there was their sophomore album, Welcome Home that had more of a singer/songwriter feel and a more organic sound. I loved "Coming up close" but I swear to God that "No one is watching you now" is one of the most beautiful songs ever that no one knows about. Please, please, please find it. Download it. Fall for it. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe it's just me, but that song... wow.

However, my favorite 'til tuesday album, and the one I think is undeniably their best, is their last: Everything's Different Now. On my 17th birthday, December 12, 1990, I celebrated with Michelle, Raul & Angie, by having dinner at Victoria Station in Dadeland Mall. One of the gifts they gave me was my very own copy of Everything's Different Now and it's still one of my all-time favorite albums. It may be my favorite album of all time. Even today, as much as I love all of Aimee Mann's solo stuff, if I could only bring one of her albums on that fabled desert island with me, I'd choose this one. From the jangle of guitars on the opening title track to the hopeful pop of "How can you give up?" it's filled with songs I never get tired of hearing. The beautiful "J for Jules" (about songwriter Jules Shear) and "The other end of the telescope" (a collaboration with Elvis Costello) are gorgeous, but my favorite shall always be track 5, "(believed you were) lucky." Back then, listening to Raul's cassettes over and over again, something about this music connected with me, Aimee Mann's lyrics were a major part of it, and I truly fell in love.

Only Everything's Different Now had been released in 1988 and it was now 1990 and 'til tuesday? They had broken up.

Later on I'll talk more about Aimee Mann, who went on to have a bit of a shaky solo career at first, thanks to record company troubles, only to end up becoming widely successful and critically acclaimed as an independent artist. I finally got to see Aimee play when my friend Shawn (another diehard 'til tuesday fan, who has performed onstage with Aimee a few times) invited me to Boston to see her play with the Boston Pops in June of 2006. It was an amazing experience, and so special to be able to see an all-time favorite in such a unique way.

My other close encounter with Aimee occurred at my job. In 2008, she took part in a series of events Barnes & Noble hosts called "Upstairs at the Square" - in which a musician and an author are interviewed and perform some of their work on stage together. When I found out that Aimee was taking part in the event, I freaked OUT. I made sure that I had my break at the right time and went upstairs. I had brought my special edition copy of her newest album, @#%&*! Smilers, to get signed. But I got stuck on my floor and wasn't able to punch out in time, so decided to pick up the CD after the event so I wouldn't miss seeing her play. Upstairs, she (and her collaborator Paul Bryan, who has a fantastic album out called Handcuff King) played and was a fantastic interview, despite an interviewer who always makes me think of a grade school teacher. There were so many people in the crowd, and as the event winded down and the line to get stuff signed formed, our fabulous events coordinator recruited my help in directing the line. It was surreal to be working the line while feet away from me was the woman who changed the way I listen to music, who had been singing the soundtrack of my life for 18 years- half of my life, literally. So surreal and so thrilling that I forgot my own CD and basked in the glow of the rest of the crowd, watching people get so excited about getting to see her, say hello. I didn't actually interact with her, though. What could I have possibly said that wouldn't have sounded like the words of a rambling fool?

I even have a 'til tuesday button that I wear on my name-tag at work. It was given to me by one of the sweetest guys ever, also named Rick, who I worked with in my old store's music department. It's one of my prized possessions, really.

Meanwhile, back in the 90s... That's me with Michelle the day of my high school graduation.

Michelle, Raul & Angie all got a place together in Fort Lauderdale, about 45 minutes away from Kendall. I had helped them move, in a very unreliable van that broke down at least twice. I knew that it would mean seeing them less and, as is usually the case, it ended up with me not seeing them at all. The last I remember hearing from them was when Michelle called to tell me that Raul had tried to kill himself. "He's gay," she told me. He had tried it before. He had become abusive towards Angie on one occasion. Years later, I met someone at work who had actually dated Raul. My friend was in high school at the time and in the end, Raul went psycho on him. I often wonder where Michelle is, because I connected the most with her. I miss her a lot. Even though my friendship with them lasted for only a year, a year and a half at most, it has so much to do with who I am today and I'll always be thankful for that. Most especially for my copy of Everything's Different Now.

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b-side: Elvis is everywhere

2009-09-01T12:46:00.000-04:00

Another song I remember in connection with Michelle & Raul was a mystery to me for years and years. All I remembered was a conversation in the car one night, parked in the lot at Kendall Town & Country. Maybe before a movie and probably after they'd been smoking:
"Elvis needs boats! Elvis needs boats!"
"Why does Elvis need boats?"

My lovely friend Miss Bank was able to tell me that the song was not "something by Buster Poindexter" as I suspected, but Mojo Nixon's "Elvis is everywhere." Have a nice Tuesday:

track 17: nothing compares 2 u • track 18: fast car

2009-09-01T12:07:00.000-04:00

Maybe the most important musical revelation to me in the autumn of 1990, the beginning of my senior year in high school, was my first real obsession with a female singer/songwriter. It was Sinéad O'Connor, and the song that started it all was actually not even written by her, but by Prince. "Nothing compares 2 u" was a huge hit, with a a gorgeous music video and I truly loved it. I might not have ventured past the single if it weren't for a group of new and unlikely friends.

My stepfather at the time, Jerry, worked with a girl called Michelle; pale, dyed red hair, sweet and cool. One day she and her boyfriend, Raul had to drop by the house for some reason. We all sat around talking. I seem to remember complaining about this teacher I had - Dr. Lloyd? He was my humanities/creative writing teacher and was pretty feminine. I said some really homophobic things about him, which I now know is a pretty normal thing for someone in the closet full of internalized homophobia, etc. But despite me making a total ass out of myself, they still asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with them some time. I totally did because, to paraphrase Alabama in True Romance they were so cool! They had another friend, Angie, who joined us, riding to the movies in Raul's little yellow MG convertible, practically having to sit in Michelle's lap. It became my Friday nights for a while, going to the movies or just hanging out with them. They introduced me to thrift stores, hair dye and attempted to introduce me to marijuana. I remembered Nancy Reagan and just said no.

What I'm most thankful for is the fact that they introduced me to lots and lots of really good music. Sinéad, The Cure, Ofra Haza, Tracy Chapman and most importantly: 'til tuesday. [see track 19] I had been familiar with Sinéad's single and with Tracy Chapman's "Fast car," which was by then a couple of years old. Raul & Michelle had the Tracy Chapman album and played it a lot and it was just so beautiful that I couldn't stop listening. When I got my first CD player on my 16th birthday, they gave me Sinéad's I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got and Tracy Chapman, still two of the most perfect albums I have ever heard. Between that and 'til tuesday, my love for women who write and sing songs began in earnest. When anyone asks me what kind of music I listen to, I usually just sum up with "girls with guitars."

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track 16: falling

2009-08-31T11:39:00.000-04:00

In the Spring of 1990, a television show called Twin Peaks started to air. There was a short half-season that spring, and then one more season the next fall, when I was beginning my senior year of high school. I was incredibly into the show, which is probably where the obsession I have with the Pacific Northwest (that continues to this very day) began. I had never heard of David Lynch before that and probably wouldn't see any of his other work until after my high school days were done. However, the show was so intriguing and I was dying to know Who Killed Laura Palmer.

The music for the show was composed by Angelo Badalamenti, who is a frequent collaborator of Lynch's. I didn't know who he was either, but the dreamy, mesmerizing score absolutely got to me, nothing more than the show's theme song, "Falling." Sung by Julee Cruise, the song first appeared on an album called Floating Into the Night, a collaboration between Cruise, Badalamenti & Lynch, who wrote lyrics. I didn't actually get the album until more than a decade later, but it's full of beautiful music, including the gorgeous song "The world spins."

Anyway, this post isn't solely about Twin Peaks or Julee Cruise. In fact, I'm not familiar with anything Cruise did aside from Floating.... However, it was the cassette single for "Falling" that is the star of this entry. Because it played during the car accident I was in one rainy day in 1990. November 3, 1990 to be precise. I know this because it was the Saturday after the movie Jacob's Ladder opened. I was going to see it that night with a few friends [who star in track 17: nothing compares 2 u] that night.

But earlier Saturday, I was going with my friend Kristi Perazzini to Bayside, a shopping center in downtown Miami. This is the same mall I saw Tiffany in, by the way. My big purchase that day was the cassette single for "Falling" and it was playing in her car's stereo while we were driving back home in the rain. We had gotten somewhat turned around, but had finally found our way to Sunset Drive, a main road, and were heading west towards Kendall when the car lost control and began to spin. And spin and spin. I remember seeing a telephone pole right ahead, but the car turned again and we ended up coming to a loud crashing halt on the concrete median. When the car stopped and it was apparent that we were both okay, I remember pushing the door open and... suppressing laughter. My defense mechanism? Happiness to be alive? I don't know, but I immediately checked myself and felt guilty.

There we were two teenagers on Sunset Drive with a car stuck on the median that was going nowhere. It's 1990, before either of us would have had a cell phone- and I'm sure she would have had one, even if I probably wouldn't have- so we have to walk to the intersection of Sunset & 87th to get to a pay phone. Kristi doesn't want to go alone and even though I'm pretty sure it's not the smart thing to do, I go with her. We find a phone and call... her mom. Who must have freaked out. We go back to the car to find a cop waiting by it. He can't believe we left the scene of the accident, but I think in the end blames the fact that we're, you know, dumb teenagers. The tow truck arrives and the driver remarks with astonishment that he can't believe we walked away from this scratch-free. Until that point, I don't think that either of us had realized how serious it was. The axle was completely broken and Kristi's car was finished forever. (She then inherited her mom's great big silver Cadillac, which was a lot of fun to ride in and in retrospect, probably a hysterical sight to see two teenagers going around town in.)

The "Falling" cassette had flown out of the tape player and into the back seat. Kristi banned it from ever being played near her again. That night I did still go see Jacob's Ladder with my friends. They were all stoned and I was still in mild shock, so I don't think anyone could have told you what that movie was about, just that it was "so. fucked. UP!!"

I had taken driver's ed during my junior year and been pretty unexceptional. I think that seeing how easy it is to lose control of a moving automobile and having such a close call might be why I never really enjoyed driving and stuck to public transportation.

Another favorite story about Kristi is how we tried to go see the movie Pet Sematary three times but could never get in because we weren't 17 yet. This was actually something that happened during our junior year. The first time we tried, it was the day the movie opened. A friend of ours bought tickets for us. Sadly, there was actually an usher at the door to the theater, who wouldn't let us in. We ended up seeing Speed Zone, a Cannonball Run sequel, instead. Another time, we decided to buy tickets for Beaches and then sneak into the other movie. Again, we were foiled by a movie usher collecting tickets at the theater entrance. I can't remember the other time, but I don't think I have ever seen Pet Sematary to this day. If I did, I'd probably just be disappointed.

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track 15: stranded

2009-08-29T13:26:00.000-04:00

Heart first showed up on my radar when I was about 11 or 12 and they released their big 1985 album, simply titled Heart. I had the 45s of the singles "What about love" and "These dreams." I remember that a few years later, my Mom's boyfriend's brother, Terry, had a poster of the Heart cover on his wall. I coveted it!

When their follow-up, Bad Animals came out in 1987, Mom got the cassette and we would listen to it on the ride to work at the swimming pool when I wasn't listening to Debbie Gibson or Martika. My favorite song was "Alone" but I also really loved "Who will you run to?" I think it may be one of the first cases of my mom and I really loving the same music. I'm not sure how crazy she was about all the hair metal and bubblegum pop. During the 80s, she listened to a lot of Kenny Rogers & Lionel Richie and stuff I liked, but wasn't in love with. But we both loved Heart a lot.

So much so that when Brigade came out we listened to it all the time, too. I still think that one of my all-time favorite Heart songs is "Stranded." When the band toured for Brigade, Mom and I went to see them play at the Miami Arena. Well, we sort of saw them- our seats were up in the top section and our view was obscured by some kind of column or something. Whatever, Heart rocked, even if at the time I didn't know that this band had such an amazing history behind them, that they had been recording for more than a decade before I had even heard them. I had no clue that these fierce women had rocked since the 70s. "Barracuda"? "Magic Man"? "Crazy on you"?? These were all lost on me at the time, because I only knew the 80s Heart. And I'm sure it's not cool to admit, but the truth is... I still like their 80s stuff better.

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track 14: step by step

2009-08-29T13:16:00.000-04:00

Summer of 1990: part two.

That summer Jordan Knight of New Kids in the Block made People Magazine's Most Beautiful People issue.
Hello, masturbation.

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track 13: strangelove

2009-08-29T12:36:00.000-04:00

Summer of 1990, part one:

I was getting into other kinds of music, gradually leaving the world of hair metal and teen pop behind. I remember having this compilation on cassette called Cutting Edge, part of a series called Rock the Planet. It had R.E.M., Erasure, 10,000 Maniacs, Laurie Anderson, Jesus & Mary Chain, Faith No More, The Replacements, Tanita Tikarim's wonderful "Twist in my sobriety" and my favorite, "Strangelove" by Depeche Mode.

I had probably heard "Strangelove" before, since it was originally from DM's 1987 album, Music for the Masses, and they were certainly on my radar by then because Violator had come out that spring. During that summer, my last before I was a senior in high school, I spent about a month in Central Florida, spending half the time with my mom's mom, my Granny, and half the time with my mom's dad & his wife. It was a pretty laid back summer, but I remember having fun.

One clear memory I have about the summer was picking up this special issue of NEWSWEEK called "The New Teens." It was sort of a field guide to the day's teenagers, or Generation X as we had been recently dubbed. There was one group, I can't remember what they called them, but it was basically your thrift shop clothes/Doc Martens wearing, Twin Peaks watching, alternative music listening kids. I was like, "Oh, that's me, then." Despite the fact that I wouldn't shop at a thrift store for another 6 months, wouldn't own a pair of Docs for another year or two and was just starting to get into alternative music. I had obsessively watched the first season of Twin Peaks when it aired that spring. Regardless, it was kind of a revelation to me because frankly, there WERE no kids like that in the Miami I was growing up in. At least nowhere I could see. And there I was, starting to like things that were outside of the popular AND coming to terms with being a gay teen. It was nice to think that I could fit in with some sort of group and maybe that article is what made me so open to befriending the people I would get to know later that year.

I played that Cutting Edge tape out and eventually my copy of Violator as well. I'm not a huge Depeche Mode fan, but "Strangelove" will always be a favorite. I present to you the MP3s of the songs from this amazing compilation, that I think shaped my musical tastes more than I realized until looking at it again:

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dedication: Ellie Greenwich (extended remix)

2009-08-28T12:21:00.000-04:00

Thinking about Ellie Greenwich yesterday made me think about my love of girl groups from the 60s. I made a playlist of her songs and spent both my train rides listening to The Crystals, The Shangri-Las and The Chiffons. Sadly, not The Ronettes.* Many of the songs that played were part of a box set I have from Rhino Records called One Kiss Can Lead To Another (The box set's title is even taken from a song Ellie wrote, "Good night baby" by The Butterflys). It was my favorite Christmas gift last year. My favorite Greenwich/Barry song is without a doubt, "Out in the streets," which is why I posted that video yesterday morning. It was originally performed by The Shangri-Las and later covered by Blondie, who was hugely influenced by The Shangri-Las and, I think, girl groups in general.

I think triggered my love for girl groups were two things, both at the beginning of my teenage years. In 1986, Eddie Money released a great song called "Take me home tonight," which featured Ronnie Spector of The Ronettes. In it, he name-checked her and The Ronettes great single, "Be my baby" - Eddie sang, "Just like Ronnie sang-" and Ronnie reprised her "Be my little baby." I loved it and remember searching through my family's record collection in search of music by The Ronettes.

The second thing was in 1988, when one of my all-time favorite movies came out: Adventures in Babysitting.. The film opens with Elisabeth Shue as Chris, preparing for a big date by lip-syncing to the classic Crystals song, "Then he kissed me." I. Love. That. Song! It even led me to finding a cheap compilation cassette of girl groups that I remember included "Lollipop" and "Soldier boy" and the marvelous "Dedicated to the one I love." I miss that cassette.

Anyway, the reason for this second post is because I realized that the two songs that ignited my love for the girl groups of the 60s were both Greenwich/Barry compositions. A great gem from the One Kiss collection is a song Ellie recorded herself, "You don't know." I've played that song a lot over the past 24 hours as well. I guess it's strange that in a week where we've lost a major politician like Ted Kennedy and a famous author like Dominick Dunne, it is the loss of this great songwriter, who hasn't made as many headlines, that actually affects me. But my priorities have always been different and Greenwich's music is in my heart and I'm eternally grateful for that.

Ending on an upbeat note, I found this incredibly odd mash-up combining Ellie's recording of "You don't know" with clips from a Disney movie about wood nymphs. But the sound quality is clear and the song is gorgeous, so play it!

Here's a playlist of some of my favorite Greenwich compositions:

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dedication: Ellie Greenwich

2009-08-27T12:37:00.000-04:00

One of the great songwriters of the Brill Building era, Ellie Greenwich is gone. Even if you don't know her name, you know her songs, classics performed by artists like The Ronettes, The Crystals, The Shangri-Las [and Blondie], Tina Turner [and Erasure]. Barry & Greenwich are just as important as Lennon & McCartney or Rodgers & Hammerstein for some of us. I'm sad but so thankful for the great tunes she gave us. I think I might watch Grace of My Heart today in her honor.

An article from the LA Times a friend shared with me.

Some favorite Greenwich/Barry compositions:
"Be my baby" - The Ronettes
"Then he kissed me" -The Crystals
"Da doo ron ron" -The Crystals
"Christmas (Baby please come home)"
"Do wah diddy diddy"
"River deep, mountain high" -Tina Turner/Erasure
"Leader of the pack" -Shangri-Las
"Out in the streets" -Shangri-Las/Blondie

...oh yeah and Cyndi Lauper's "Right track, wrong train!"

track 12: like the weather

2009-08-24T12:47:00.000-04:00

Around 1988-89, I caught the video for "Like the weather" by 10,000 Maniacs and really loved the song. I liked it so much that I bought the cassette of In My Tribe.

The music I discovered was so different from the pop music and the rock n roll I'd been listening to. Some of the songs told stories, some of the lyrics were cryptic, the music more organic and layered than what I was used to. Some songs, like "What's the matter here" were truly about something other than romance and rebellion. It excited me. I started to say that I listened to "Progressive" music. This is a couple of years before people would invent the term "alternative." I loved Natalie Merchant's unusual voice and some of the songs from In my Tribe are still deeply beloved. I can play "Verdi cries" over and over and over again.

A year after I left high school, in 1992, they would find even more popularity with their superb album called Our Time In Eden. A truly perfect disc, it was more thoughtful and lush and beautiful than anything they'd ever done. It's a necessary album in my opinion. After Eden they released a live disc from their appearance on MTV Unplugged and soon Merchant would leave the group to follow her own path. With the exception of a couple of songs, her solo work never really connected with me. However, I can never forget how just listening to "Like the weather" managed to open my ears to a new type of music.

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track 11: youth gone wild

2009-08-23T11:59:00.000-04:00

In 1988 high school came around. So did Hair Bands. Of course at the time we called it heavy metal. Which is like calling Kenny G "Jazz". There is a big distinction between heavy metal (which it turned out, I don't like) and hair bands, which were a more mainstream, pop-oriented kind of hard rock also known as "glam metal." Now I can see how fans of true heavy metal must have felt about all of us kids calling Poison and Skid Row "heavy metal" bands when I think about Miles Davis or Louis Armstrong or Charles Mingus and see the Kenny G, Chris Botti & other background music makers of "smooth jazz" pop being called jazz musicians. Although, I do have a couple of late Miles albums that sound very "lite jazz" so maybe it's a case of disappointing evolution of a genre. But the Marsalis boys and Cassandra Wilson make me think that's not so.

But dude. I won't even listen to a jazz record for almost another decade. Right now it's 1988 and I am wearing ripped jeans and flipping through channels to get to MTV and watch Headbangers Ball. I loved Skid Row.

I remember listening to their debut, Skid Row on cassette all the time, going to the fair and getting all psyched when "Youth gone wild" played while we were on a ride. I also loved the ballads "I remember you" and "18 and life." Also, I think that even though I always remember having my first very strong boy crush on Mark Slaughter (okay, fine, and later on, Jordan Knight), it was actually on Rob Affuso, Skid Row's drummer. I know I had a poster with just him on it on my door for a while, which I believe replaced my Desperately Seeking Susan one. It was clearly the beginning of my trend for always crushing on the rhythm section. Give me a drummer or a bass player any day.

Skid Row was by far my favorite of the lot, but I remember listening to: Bon Jovi, Whitesnake, Poison, a little bit of Mötley Crüe, and yes, even Vixen, the ladies of Hair Metal. My love for this kind of rock was shared by my friend Kristi Perazzini. Our friendship began during the first year of high school, right when Skid Row and hair metal was starting to get to me. By our senior year we were pretty inseparable. I almost followed Kristi to Troy University in Alabama, but eventually lost touch with her. One of the last things I do remember about her is buying Skid Row's second album, Slave to the Grind from a music store out on Kendall Drive. We played it all the way home in her mom's giant Cadillac. Eventually I sold my copy of it for Sex. But that's another story.

After I graduated high school, I remember going to this concert festival thing at the Miami Seaquarium, mostly because Snake (that's Dave "The Snake" Sabo, the band's guitar player) was going to be there signing autographs. I have a few pictures. However, what I ended up remembering the most about that day was watching a musician I had never heard of called Chris Whitley play a set and being totally blown away. I think that Skid Row is together still, only without Rob or lead singer Sebastian Bach, who ended up having a recurring part on one of my favorite TV shows, Gilmore Girls. Only he didn't look as pretty as he did way back when:

Here's an excerpt from my short story Birdwatching that touches on my love for hair bands. You can read the whole story here, in three separate parts. Start from the bottom!
One day I was hanging out at the store, flipping through the S bin. Casey asked if I was doing some Mood Therapy Shopping.
"Come on, Benjamin. You always do this. You get depressed about something and find yourself buying a buncha cds that you'll listen to once and then forget."
"Casey, you know that having material things cheers me up. Now look, I'm in this whole... Hair Band Rock That I Listened To In Junior High mood. So I'm trying to decide between Slaughter and Skid Row, because unlike what you've assumed, I'm just in the mood for some cheesy eighties rock today. So. Okay, Mark Slaughter- way cuter than Sebastian Bach. But- Sebastian always wore those sexy snakeskin pants. Plus- the Skid Row album is way better than Slaughter's."
"Yeah, but didn't Sebastian Bach wear that shirt that said 'AIDS Kills Fags Dead'?"
I sigh and say, "Okay let's try Bon Jovi. I'm thinking 'Slippery When Wet'..."

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b-side: love is a battlefield

2009-08-21T13:24:00.000-04:00

While writing about Debbie Gibson and calling the radio station to dedicate "Lost in your eyes" to someone, I realized that I had to write about another great song. Years before Debbie, about five give or take, I literally waited an entire day for Y100 to play a song I had requested. It was probably '84 or so, when I had fallen hard for Pat Benatar's song "Love is a battlefield" but had not yet scored the cassette of Live on Earth. I called them at least three times, probably in the hopes of taping the song when it played. I waited and waited, roller skating circles around the patio and making sure that we had the radio on while we ate dinner, but to no avail. Until finally, as night fell outside, "Love is a battlefield" played. SUCCESS!

You HAVE to watch this video. It is only one of the greatest music videos ever in the history of the entire fucking universe. See, Pat ran away from home. And now she's selling herself for money. But she stands up for herself and her fellow ladies of the night. And they stand up for themselves by dancing. It is amazing.Watch it on youtube RIGHT NOW!

Now go download it ASAP because truly, this is one of the greatest pop songs ever.

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track 10: lost in your eyes

2009-08-21T12:46:00.000-04:00

A gigantic part of my teenage years revolved around the music of one Deborah "Debbie" Gibson. I loved Debbie from the minute I first heard her song "Only in my dreams." I totally had a crush on Debbie. I wore out my Out of the Blue cassette, not to mention the VHS of her music videos AND the Out of the Blue Tour Live video. She was so awesome AND she played piano AND wrote her own songs! She loved Billy Joel, I loved Billy Joel. It was major fandom.

The first single from her second album was "Lost in your eyes." I remember calling the radio station over and over again, asking them to play it. I believe that I even asked them to dedicate it to a girl in my French class that I had a crush on. Eventually I asked her to go to a school football game with me. She said maybe she'd see me there. She did not. *shrug*

I remember the day Electric Youth came out. I think it was the beginning of my habit of buying albums on their release dates like the total geek I am. It was even better than Out of the Blue and I would even get to see Debbie in concert that year. Two years later, when I got my first CD player for my 17th birthday, Debbie's Anything Is Possible was one of my other birthday gifts. I remember listening to Body Mind & Soul when I was in college, eating lunch at MDCC and listening to "Losin' myself" on my Discman over and over again. Her Think With Your Heart album was actually really good and very Billy Joelesque.

Even in the spring of 1997 I was still a devoted fan. My family and I had flown up to NYC for the first time, where we met up with my friend Lisa to see Rent (which was still pretty new and featured the original cast). We landed and spent the evening with Lisa and Shawn and a couple of other friends from the Ani DiFranco mailing list I was on. The next day, my mom, Dave and Lisa and I walked around the city. One thing on the itinerary was finding Debbie's new album, Deborah. It was being released independently and so far only through Tower Records in NYC. But not at the first Tower we went to. Nope, we had to go to the Tower in Trump Tower! At this point, it was raining. But we walked and walked in the rain just to get to Trump Tower and pick up my Debbie Gibson CD. I think we still had fun, but it was a bit of a waste to spend so much time of our trip hunting down a CD that I'd eventually be able to get online anyway. I guess I justified it to myself.

While I would eventually go on to live in NYC, Debbie- Deborah- would go on to make a lousy album called MYOB and pose for Playboy. However, her album of showtunes, Colored Lights is pretty good. But the truth is that I've moved on. Her early music lives on in my heart (and, I admit, on my ipod).

My favorite part of "Lost in your eyes" comes around 2 minutes into the song, when Debbie would stop playing and climb on top of the piano. Even today I am embarrassed to say, it gives me a big thrill. After all this time and despite everything I've experienced since, I am at heart a cheesy romantic.

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liner notes: the music or the misery?

2009-08-20T15:18:00.001-04:00

an all time favorite quote from Nick Hornby's excellent novel, High Fidelity:

"What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?"

my first ipod had that first sentence engraved on it. :)

track 9: more than you know

2009-08-20T14:36:00.000-04:00

Another strong memory of the summer of 1988 revolves not around working at the swimming pool itself, but the commute to get there. Morning after morning, we'd get to the same stretch of road near Miami International Airport and get caught up in the gridlock. Traffic in Miami is particularly infuriating, but I think that at the time I minded it less. Mostly because it gave me more time to hear my favorite cassette of that summer: Martika.

Martika had been on the television show "Kids, Inc." (at the same time as the unbearable Sarah "Fergie" Ferguson) and went on to find a brief bit of fame with her self-titled debut. My favorite song was the catchy and addictive single, "More than you know" and I'm sure playing it over and over again (having to rewind to the beginning every time) drove my mom insane. Now she'd probably be better known for the ballad "Toy soldiers," which ended up being used in an Eminem track.

Playing any track from Martika will make me think of that morning traffic on my way to work, or of the ride home, my towel over the car seat still in my bathing suit and smelling of chlorine.

alternate track: Chaka Khan's song "Through the fire" was always on the radio in the mornings that summer and I loved it!

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